VIDEOS ^^ YAY YAY YAY

THIS IS THE VIEW OF THE FIREWORKS FROM ME HOUSE... IT'S A LITTLE BLURRED AND IF YOU HEAR ANYONE SQUEALING, IT'S ME, KAY? HAHA. XD oh, me and my family were speaking... i sound weird... uh...

AND A NEW CHARACTER! A NEW CHARACTER! WHO HAS NO NAME... CURRENTLY. I'VE UPLOADED HER DESIGN... IT'S NOT REALLY THAT NICE, BUT STILL... I'M HAPPY!

P.S THIS OLLIE HERE IS CURRENTLY TOO HYPER TO BE MATURE OR REASONABLE.

... MAYBE I DUN WANNA CREATE HER ANYMORE. SHE LOOKS UGLY FROM HERE LEH... UH... SIGH. >.< MY HYPERNESS IS WEARING OFF. HOW SAD. XD

OLLIE

HAPPY NEW YEAR! XD

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

DUN ASK ME WHY I WROTE IN CAPS. IT JUST MAKES ME HAPPY. AND NEAR HEART-ATTACK TO WATCH THE FIREWORKS. I LOVE FIREWORKS! SPARKLE SPARKLE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! A NEW YEAR, NEW SCHOOL, NEW CLOTHES, NEW SHOES... BUT ALSO OLD FRENS! I'LL NEVER FORGET ANY OF YOU! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY TEACHERS TOO! AND TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD! 2012 IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! IT'S THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ERA... KEKEKE...

YAY! I CHANGED THE BACKGROUND! THE EGGS ARE SO CUTE! EVEN CUTER THAN EGG HERSELF... UH... SWEATDROPS AND SMILES SHEEPISHLY. HAHAHA... UH... HA?

UH... YAY? HAHA. LOL. XD

LISTENING TO: FIREWORKS. PPL SQUEALING. STEREO HEARTS.

YAY. I'M JUST SO HAPPY. YAY. YAY.

I WANNA SQUEAL NOW... *MUST CONTROL...*
KYAH! FLY, SPAM MAIL, FLY, FLY MY BEAUTIES!!!!

... KAY, I THINK I'M SUGAR-HIGH. I DRANK APPLE JUICE AND ATE BREAD... UH... HOW DOES THAT EQUAL TO SUGAR-HIGH? I DUNNO.  HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY, YAY!

NEW YEAR = HAPPY= YAY= FANGIRLING OLLIE. XD

The signs are appearing. I am eating less, more slowly with a vague, blank expression. I often stare off into space and I don't smile as often, looking more and more confused. You keep asking me what's wrong, but I shake my head. The signs are happening.

Yes, I have just watched a new anime that I kinda like.

Weird, no? But yes. Every time I watch a new anime that I like, this happens. Sad. What anime is it now? ... Naruto. It's all your fault, Nut! Actually, mine (Since I watched it...)... you suggested that I watch episode 101 and it was English dubbed, making it more funny... KYAH! I knew I shouldn't have watched a new anime when I'm not even done with my fanfiction! Now I'm distracted; you know, when I try to think of how the person-who-is-an-emo-but-has-a-lot-of-fangirls looks like, I automatically think of the stupid character in Dragonball Z *shudder*. UGH!

Now I need to listen to Vocaloid songs to wash this new interest away...
But seriously, it was funny and I laughed out loud until my parents were staring at me.

A Fanfiction-- Merry Christmas

THIS. IS. FULL.OF. FLUFF. Kyah! The Christmas special! For Takako Mizune and Takashi Morinozuka! And their initials are the same! Plus, if you just limit the first name to four words, both are 'Taka'! :D

Disclaimer :I don't own Vocaloid nor OHSHC!
__________________________________________________________________________________
I didn't want to be invited to the Christmas party organised by the host club. But I was, because I was a student of the school and I was in the singing band, VOCALOID. It irked me that we had to bring partners along. This was awkward. I had planned my secret escape as soon as the invitation card was in my hands, but Miku stilled me with one of her deadly glares and dangerously sweet smiles. That tiny glimmer of hope shattered. I had received many requests to be a partner for the dance, but they were too abrupt (I didn't even know this weirdo --since I couldn't tell if it was a he or she-- so how was I supposed to accept?). In the end, I had rejected every single one of them with a bow.

But deep inside, I knew I was saving this one dance (just one, I don't know whether I can stand the embarrassment of being so ungraceful and short--next to him, anyone would appear short!) for a particular classmate, who sat in front of me. He was usually quiet, mostly calm and like a statue. That was why I couldn't really claim it as a kind of crush. I didn't even know anything about him. How could you, since all his responses were one-words? Probably curiosity.

I was attracted to him for a long time, how calmness emitted from him would spread to me and let me regain my composure. Not to mention, he was quite dashing. Could this mere fascination be like those of the shallow girls who fell for the host club because of their looks? I wasn't sure to say so. I was fretting, mindlessly fretting. Sometimes, though I'm ashamed to admit it, my attention seems to be directed to him. My universe, just happened to be blurred into vague little shapes, unimportant when he was around. It was simply disorientating. I tried not to be so dependant on his very presence and instead focused on my own doodles. It didn't work.

Miku had forced the truth out of me, promising to keep it a secret. She was angry for a period of time.

'So do you like him?" she demanded.

"I... I don't know," I admitted, playing with my blouse.

"How can you not know!"

"I... well, it's hard to talk to him..."

"Taka! What happened to you, the sarcastic, confident girl?"

"Look! He's just so silent!"

"Then talk to him!"

"Yeah. It's so easy!"

"The Christmas party. Ask him!"

"That's... the boys' are supposed to ask the girls!"

"So old fashioned..."

"And besides, he's a host. So he'll be doing host duties, right? So he can't spend the night with me! End of story!" I said huffily.

The conversation ended then.

------------------------------

"Hirai, hirai..." I sang, allowing the song to come to an end.

Applause ruled the room for a few seconds, as I bowed. My eyes, sort of attuned, were searching for Mori. It was time for the ball to start. I had to leave the stage. Trudging, a little reluctantly, I entered the dressing room where Miku was. She had changed into her dress, a long pink one. It had puffy sleeves and a white silk sash. She let her hair down and applied makeup. She was pretty, luminious. I sighed at wonder. Would I ever be like that?

Then, without warning, I was forced into a dressing room where my dress was ready. The door shut and I pounded on it, demanding for an explaination. She ignored me flatly. I had no choice but to change into the dress. It didn't really fit me. It was sleeveless, white. The material was silk and it felt rather comfortable. At the bottom of the dress, blue frills trailed along on the ground. I sighed. It was a halter-neck, though.

"I've changed!" I announced sulkily (although I was a little happy).

Miku peeped in from the cracks of the door before unlocking it. Dragging me to the dressing table, she forced me to sit down on the chair and yanked the hairband off my head. It was not pleasant, I assure you. How could someone so small have so much strength? And so, the powdering began. I sneezed at intervals when she shoved bottles of obscenely-strong-smelling perfume under my nose.

Finally, the torture was done as she nodded in satisfaction. My heels, dangerously high were quite a threat to me. I gulped and imagined myself sprawling on the ground. Not good.

"Look at yourself, Taka!" she crooned.

I did as she told and stared straight at the mirror. Inside it was a beauty, her golden locks let down and framing her face. Her midnight blue eyes were highlighted by the soft silver eye-shadow. She was positively blushing, probably in shock. I smiled and she did so too, revealing her dimples. Alluring.

"Taka, that's you," Miku sighed at how shocked I was. "No one, I repeat, no one, will look ugly after my treatment! Besides, you were quite pretty to begin with, just that you... well... you think you're ugly when you're nervous..."

"Thanks," I hurled back, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes! That's the Taka I know!" she clapped enthusiastically and pushed me out of the chair, down the stairs and into the grand hall.

"B-but," I realised, "Miku, I don't have a partner!" I choked out.

"I've got it all planned for you!" she giggled.

"N-no! I don't want to be dancing with some freak or some weirdo that's..." my voice trailed off as Mori appeared in front of me.

"That's your 'some freak or some weirdo' for you! Hunny!" she exclaimed, laughing at my... predicament.

"Miku Hatsune, I will make sure to kill every single one of your leeks with my pizza cutter when I get home," I muttered.

And as usual, Mori was looking bored (like he always does. He seems to have a problem displaying his emotions.) . On my side, I was trying to fix myself into the same facade that I always had, to be confident and enchanting. I wasn't sure if the 'enchanting' part would work on this statue, but perhaps...? My heart had regained its normal beating rate. I plastered a kind smile on my face, bowing slightly.

The ball had begun. He held out his hand patiently and I accepted it, trying to focus on his steely grey orbs. It was the first sign to show how I wasn't afraid. I tried not to be an idiot and trip. But it worked out fine. I was positively glowing, gracious and graceful. The spell was working. And then, music radiated through the hall, flowing into my ears. We swirled around the couples, dancing. Step, turn, step, cross, step, point, turn. The steps were repeated over and over again. I was treading on water, instead of drowning in it. I had managed to keep my simple smile instead of replacing it with a sheepish one.

His hands were large and warm, movements somewhat gentle. Calmness from him replaced the anxiety within me. And then, the muic stopped. I tensed, the charm broken. I was back to being uncomfortable and nervous. Untangling my hand from his hastily, I knew it was rude to do so but I couldn't care less. If he was stung by rejection, he certainly did not show it. He caught on and released me. I almost stumbled over my feet and squeezed through the crowd of Mori fangirls.

 It wasn't long before I could find a balcony to hide in. I slid in the shadows and stayed there, eyes searching for Miku. She wasn't hard to spot. Her teal hair was swinging around dangerously while Hunny and her spun around, being hazards. I laughed silently at how childish she was. Luckily there were no paparazzis around.

I fumbled with my dress. The wind blew at my hair, rustling it. Yet the coldness of it also pricked at my ungloved skin, making me miss how warm Mori's was. I shook my head, trying not to think too much of him and hit my forehead twice. I placed my trembling fingers around my neck, hiding them in my hair. Well, at least I had claimed the first dance with him.

As I stared at the crowd, my eyes were still searching for him, wondering. He was with a particularly pretty girl with long brown hair. Her face was serious and she seemed to be conversing with him. I thought she was pretty familiar and began thinking. Could it be... Haruhi? But the mysterious girl had disappeared and Mori was engulfed by the fangirls again. I tried looking for Len and Rin, and there they were, dancing around without a care. I grinned cheekily at how the girls were all swooning over Len. They should have heard 'Spice!'.

Minutes had passed. I was still cold. The moon was round and glowing, in the sea of black. It was beautiful, how the stars sparkled and faded too. The grand hall of Ouran Academy was pretty much sparkling, too. The orchestra was playing on the stage. I recognised it as 'Sleep Away'. It was one of my favourites. I sneezed again, shuddering. Perhaps I should go home now.

"You alright?" a warm, emotionless voice spoke slowly.

"Uh?" I squeaked, whirling around to stare at the person.

Mori.

I sneezed again in reply. My fingers were icy cold again. The breeze blew, and I shivered. He took a hesitant step forward, taking my hands. His were so warm, hot even! I breathed lightly, staring down at my hands.

"Dance?" he asked.

"Umm... okay?" I wasn't thinking at all. "What's the time?"

"Nearing midnight."

Okay, so that meant that it was only minutes to Christmas. I nodded as he lead me out into the middle of the room. And so it begun again, only that I was more secure and confident.

"Who was that girl, you know, with the long brown hair and... a pink short dress? Was she Haruhi?" I asked mildly. Step, twist, turn.

"Hmm."

I took it as a confirmation. We twirled around and around, conversing, well, I was speaking. He was stony. As he remained quiet, I tried looking around for Miku. Had she gone home? Mori's hand held me tighter as I looked away. I swivelled back to glance at him. Was that squeeze to tell me to pay attention? I frowned. I was getting too dreamy.

"Alright?" he asked in the deep throaty voice again.

"Hmm... yeah," I wasn't really paying attention, listening to the music.

As the music came to an end, I sighed. The bell rang again. Christmas! I prayed for snow. But it would be quite ridiculous to let it snow now. He kissed my hand, something I should be squealing about, but I was just too confused. I had saw Miku being carried away... Was that my eyes playing a trick on me? I continued staring around, searching for the teal hair. It was there! It was disappearing out of the hall!

"Yeah... umm..." I jogged past Mori and out of the hall.

Miku wasn't anywhere, as I searched the corridors. I landed at the foyer, waiting. I decided to reach her on her phone, thus dialling the numbers in. The same irritating sound.

"Miku!" I cried.

"Huh?" she sounded sleepy.

"Where are you now!" I was bursting with anxiety.

"What's wrong?" she was alert, now. "I'm at home. I packed up for you too, you see. Hunny offered to send me home... And besides, you were having fun with Mori so I thought..."

Her words brought back another point. Mori.

"Oh great!" I moaned. "I totally ignored him after the dance! Ugh!"

I hung up on her and slouched on a bench. How could I do something so rude to a person I had a crush on? I probably never stood a chance! He should hate me back too. I started wallowing in self-pity, also chiding myself at the same time. I pressed the tips of my fingers to my forehead, trying to think clearly. I should return home, probably also get a good bath and drown myself. How pessimistic I was.

As I stood up and tried calling Miku again, apologising and pleading for her to send a car here. She refused, and sounded strangely smug. Perfect. Now I would have to drag myself back there with heels. It was cold, too. I tried reaching Len, but there was no reply. Time for the marathon! I trudged out of the school, past the gates, cursing my luck.

"Wait," a warm hand gripped my shoulder.

I stood, stunned and afraid. It reminded me of something taboo, not supposed to be thought about. I had it securely locked up in a locker, but the slightest reminder... it could bring on a wave of unpleasant memories. I only had my heels. They looked sharp enough. I panicked, subtly looking around for a passer-by. None. Unwillingly, I turned to see the person.

"Mori?" I called out, breathing a sigh of relief.

"..."

"Umm... Is there anything?" I raised an eyebrow.

"... I..."

"Oh. Umm, I need to go home now, you see. Bye!" I blurted. The words were out of my mouth before I could even stop myself. Ugh.

Having said that, I decided to stay true to my words and trotted away, mentally beating myself up for not asking if he could send me home. I was an idiot. One that couldn't walk very well in heels. Luckily, I didn't trip. I wondered what that was all about. Gazing up at the sky, it didn't seem like it could snow tonight.
And then, he held my hand. I turned around to face him.

"I wanted to spend Christmas with someone I liked," he explained, still looking as stony as he did.

It didn't match. I, the clearly obsessed school girl was supposed to be saying something that mushy to a samurai, not the reverse! What happened? Did he hit his head? Was this a dare? My mouth was left agape.

"Uh.." I said in confusion.

"It's not a dare, nor did I hit my head," he had an amused glint in his eyes. He could read minds! Creepy.

"Umm... So?" I shrugged.

And he reached down, to kiss my forehead. Everything accelerated, my heartbeat, the adrenaline pulsing through my blood. I was taken by surprise, standing there like a statue. Eyes widened and stared up as I tried remembering what the forehead kiss meant.

"To tell the receiver that he or she cares subtly," I murmured.

And without thinking, I lunged at him, tackling him in a hug. I was on top of him now, possibly suffocating him to death, but did I care? I was laughing, my voice shaky. And the most wonderous sound in the whole world; Mori laughing in his low, husky voice. Something cold fell on my head and I glanced up. Snow!

"Merry Christmas," he smiled.
___________________________________________________________________________________

OMG. It's so fluffy! But sweet. Ah, I missed Christmas, but better late than never, right? :D haha. Merry late Christmas!

Ollie :D

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, peeps~ :D

I'll write a christmas fic on Mori and Takako :D

Stop, Stand, Smile.

What happens when you meet up with an over-enthusiastic adult who tries to make some conversation. The correct impression is to Stop, Stand and Smile. But how?

1. Stop
Pause whatever you are doing (drooling over your favourite idol's pictures; playing on the latest gameboy; blah, blah.). Do not, I repeat, do not glare at the person and indicate how much you would like to kill him/her for his/her interruption to your current activity. Drop whatever you are holding onto (preferably pass it to someone else) and stare, with attention and curiosity.

2. Stand
To stand properly. Do not cross your arms to show how frustrated at how e.g. he/she interrupted your imaginary happy land with so-and-so. Instead, hold your hands together and place them in front of you and stand up straight.

3. Smile
Do not smile sheepishly. Flash your best smile, showing your teeth (unless you have none or are a vampire). Don't make it into a threatening smile. Make it nice.

In that case, your parents will never correct your greeting habits and when those adults blab, just try to repeat mostly of what they say in the right situation, of course, or just try to nod and look enthusiastic.
For example,

Enthusiastic person (EP): It's such a nice day, right?
You : Nice day. *smile*
EP: How do you feel about the school, it's really nice! My daughter blahblahblah
You: *Nod* Nice school. *smile*
EP: So you're taking up Japanese.
You: Japanese *nod* *smile*
EP: Haha, arigato!
You: Arigato. *look enthusiastic and smile, nodding.*

And that's how you get through the conversation. Try not to repeat too much, though. It'll stir up some confusion. That's exactly what the EP said to me, while I reacted differently.

EP: It's such a nice day, right?
Me: ... uh.
EP: How do you feel about the school? My daughter blahblahblah
Me: Umm.... It's nice? *nods*
EP: So you're taking up Japanese.
Me: *raises eyebrows* ... umm... (Inner mind : ... stalker XD)
EP: Haha, arigato!
Me: *stares blankly*... (I should have reacted with a more brilliant statement to shock him off, but that would be plain rude... Besides, I don't think I even had time to think of one. Probably ask him if he speaks English. :D)

And so, my parents were telling me not to look so dead (I should really dress up as a zombie for halloween.) when people talked to me, smile more. So here's your ultimate guide to pretend not to be bored when you really are. Master of disguise! :D
I should really master the 3 'S's. Bleh.

Dedicated to Phoebe -- Hope

They judge you with beady, narrowed eyes.

Yet as you fidget, they smile for a wrong move,

Click, reload, spill it all out on the pure piece of paper with black ink,

that engulfs the whole piece in sin.

They chuckle in delight and nod their head absentmindedly.

Continue, they croon with their abused lips that are drawn in an ugly snarl.

You smile lightly,

But the tension in the air is simply electrifying and it never relaxes,

The way their pen twirls in the hand pushes you away, further.

You know you can't trust them,

The whole crowd is chanting your name, lovely, they tap their foot.

You're nothing but a puppet, your strings pulled taut.

They wait for a performance to condemn you.

Enter, click, reload. The action repeats as their eyebrows rise in humour. They're waiting for a faux pas.

" Mr. Know-It-All

Well ya think you know it all

But ya don't know a thing at all

Ain't it something y'all

When somebody tells you something bout you

Think that they know you more than you do

So you take it down another pill to swallow"

You haven't got anything against them,

Since you've taken the stage,

Why not show them?

Don't fear their quills when they should,

Because all those lies made up

Will vanish when you shine and stand up.

So brave their sneers and hope

Shine and blind their prejudice.

Make them widen their eyes in awe

At how you'll soar and change their perspectives,

So I'll stand with you.

Let's hope.

__________________________________________________________________________________

This is dedicated to Phoebe, my dear granddaughter.

Inspired by :

The post Phobe wrote on 'Bullying' on our joint blog-- somehow her angst made me more cheery *shudder*

Also, Kelly Clarkson's Mr. Know-It-All.

Phoebe, don't lose hope. Life may be cruel, but as long as we have hope (and each other), the world can change. I haven't been writing poems lately, so I hope this one's okay! :D

I love you! :D Let's spread the love around! This world needs more love! :D

Cheerio!

Ollie :D

Enchanted -- Dedicated to Char :D

I didn't notice you, because until then I was just stuck in my own world of false beauties. I adored the latest fashion icons; the greek mythology that spelt out pretty images of young ladies; the hunks (I mean, who could ignore those fabulous six-packs of Taylor Lautner?) and their damsels in distress. In the fairytale world that I lived in, it was forever spring, petals swirling around in the air, frozen in time. The green fields of grass would remain crisp and the sun forever shining in its glory; the golden rays decorating the world with a orangey kind of vintage style. Butterflies flitted around the flowers, their fragile and delicate wings painted with a radiant pattern.

You weren't exactly the perfect guy that I saw; your front tooth knocked out by the school bully, your acne that scarred your face and your anti-social behaviour. I never did take any notice of the young boy that sat next to the window, next to me. Although I had wished for it, I was not the beautiful and popular girl that every boy in the class worshipped. I was the second-in-waiting, though not the prettiest, I still seemed pretty enough. I did not have the typical grecian nose, or those rosebud lips. My beauty just came from a quaint source and amplified through my self-confidence.

And then, at the annual school prom, I learnt enchantment. Enchantment was a flavour that I had never tasted before, like the crisp pages of a book, fresh and new, waiting for me to explore the adventures within. Enchantment lead me out of my vague and plastic universe into a real one, wherein my senses were overwhelmed by the sights, tastes, sounds and wonders whirled into a tiny ball.

I sat stiffly at the corner, not too used to the bright and colourful lights that flickered and glared at every occupant of the ballroom. I reached about the table for my orange juice and took a sip. Loud pop music blasted in the room, as the DJ addled with the buttons of the set to make it more 'funky'. I sighed as my partner had long gone after his friends --without even asking me-- to dance. Squeals hung in the air as teenagers jumped about and waved their arms. I should be joining in the dance party, but some part of me felt inferior. I had no reason to be, and yet I felt inferior because I couldn't dance.

I was a potential hazard on the dance floor.

"Hey,"  he called out, the nerd.

He was wearing old tees and jeans, his big black spectacles dropping down his nose. He grinned cheesily and I blanched.

"Yes,"  I replied, clearly uninterested.

I fingered my long, straight hair and made an effort to ignore him. My tube dress was white with a simple black belt. Peach frills decorated the end of the dress and I wore flats. Nothing too sophisticated.

"Why aren't you dancing?" he yelled over the noise.

I shrugged, very obviously hinting to him that I did not want to talk to him.

"Let's dance!" he screamed, then dragged me forcefully to the most dreaded place on earth.

The dance floor.

I stormed off, too angry. Who was he to boss me around? But then he grabbed me and turned me around.

"Why are you so eager to get out of here? Look at me. I'm just some unpopular nerd. I have heard them say all those bad things about me, I am often the target of those bullies. But I still dance. I still enjoy every single chance there is for me to do anything. I have cancer. I won't survive. What about you? You're so healthy, pretty and yet you don't cherish these chances!" he seethed angrily.

"I can't dance! I'll fall if I dance! I have horrible balance!" I shrieked back at him, all my rage suddenly gone.

"Look. Everyone can dance. Listen to the music, feel it pulsing through you, feel the beating of your heart in rhythm to the base! Try it," he spoke and shut his eyes.

Then I saw the courage he had, to survive each day and be thankful for it, no matter how undeserved it was, being bullied, talked bad about. And then, for once, all those muses of gods and godess didn't matter. He shone through all of their luminous beauty. He was beautiful.
And so I danced along with him, sure it did work. And then, it was just my new, reformed world, an utopia. But this time, I shared it with him. So as silly as we looked, we jumped about and made exaggerate movements. And as we did, we blended in with the crowd.

I was enchanted by you, the spirit you had.

But as all humans eventually did, you passed away.

I could only hope for you to feel the music in the other world too and remember our dance.
I hope you dance.

__________________________________________________________________________________

YAY! It's finally done! Thanks to Enchanted by Taylor Swift. How funny the same music makes me get over both my artist block and writer's block. :D And so, of course I have to owe it to I Hope You Dance by Leeann Womack! And of course... Primavera, a book about the Pazzi and the Medici... Italian people... I think it was related to the French Revolution...

Haha, that line about Taylor Lautner's six packs was purely on instinct. Thanks to you, Brig!

I suppose this is dedicated to Char, I fulfilled my promise! :D Sorry Char, I don't think I made the plotline strong enough...

All for now~~~

Ollie :D

I NEED TIME>.< !

I just got over my artist's block~

It feels perfectly normal and well, not very important.

But I'm happy enough that I'll just announce it :D

It's all thanks to Enchanted by Taylor Swift. Listening to it repeatedly on my playlist just made me draw out something that wasn't crap.

Yay :D

... But now... How to deal with my writer's block...
Actually, I have an inspiration, but I just don't have time. Not joking, for someone who's been loafing about and rotting at home faced with piles of sec school assessment books. The broadband just got installed today. And there's only one computer which is my dad's and he comes home at night with it... but... my sister needs it. And I'm convinced she needs it more than me; y'know, she's in the prefectorial board so there's lotsa stuff that needs her to dabble in... right?

.... I probably won't be updating as soon... Until my new lenovo comp comes... but then again, it's not really mine since I need to share... sigh. >.< 

And I just got a new idea! I just need time...

Oh well.

Ollie :D

I'm confused.

I hope you dance

I hope you dance.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.

When one door closes I hope one more opens.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance.

'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack

I shall dedicate it to all my dearest friends. The world is large and it doesn't end with just one failure.
It's a great song.
I know I will miss you, but it's all part of life right?
Just finished reading Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyers, and I really agree with Jacob's first chapter, from his point of view.

I'm scared.

I'm scared we won't be able to meet again.

I'm scared we will forget each other.

I'm scared we won't keep in touch like we promised.

I'm scared of forgetting everyone.

I'm scared of time.

I'm scared of the fact that we grow so soon.

I'm scared I'd have to go through separation soon again.

I'm scared of how idiotic I've been.

I'm scared of repeating my mistakes.

I'm scared of regret.

I'm scared to say I'm scared.

Because when it suddenly passes by so fast, you'd realise that everything is just gone. You've been so idiotic, so stupid and so hesitant. You're regretting every single damned thing you haven't said or done. You've just realised how the whole thing works, but you only have that one single last chance to work it all out. You're so scared that it won't work out, and even if it does, you won't have any chance to finally savour all those times you should have had. You feel like banging your head against the wall. But you just don't know what to do. You're just scared. It's so horribly frightening, to be scared, to be cornered by fear, to just be lost. You feel so aimless and yet you wonder if it's worth a try. You feel those tears finally coming out, but you try to hold it in. The sour acidic feeling bites you into pieces, and you feel so difficult. It's complex and you feel like an idiot.

All those feelings are so frustrating, that you don't want to do anything at all.

I'm scared.

Pikachu, I'm just so scared.

Dancing in the rain-- Dedicated to Ken

She spins around in wild glee, her white silk dress draped around her slim frame. Her hairband falls out due to her rapid turns, releasing the strands of reddish-brown hair that swing around her head. She is laughing maniacally, her head thrown back and her arms outstretched, as though she had seen the most ridiculous scene ever. Rain was pouring, the little transparent droplets mercilessly attacking her figure, breaking away at the slightest contact and then soaking into her skin. The cool touch of the droplets against her burning skin makes her shudder, but she giggles away the discomfort.

But she continues to dance. She skips a little to the left, her eyes firmly shut, that smile never leaving her face. She kicks into a puddle, then continues to jump in the puddle like a little child. She claps her hands together, the blissful look on her face still. Her actions have attracted the attentions of the other passers-by. They look horrified at the teenager who is wearing boots with a flowery nightgown dancing, scratch that, jumping around in happiness. Some gasp, and try to cover the girl with a cloak or an umbrella, but she merely gently pushes them back into shelter and bows before resuming her own parade. Others shake their head and remark on how silly the girl is, walking away with a kind of indigant look which clearly states, "I am so apologetic to see such a deranged girl, yet I am sure she has the sense, or perhaps her parents, have the sense to take better care of her."

The girl had lost her sense to even think in the weather, flinging herself out into the street and kicking her legs, putting her hands in a position above her head like a ballerina. Her boots are already brown with the mud and are still wet due to the fact that she had been jumping into any puddle regularly. To dance in the rain was a joy, something that no one would even think about before they disapproved. It was a secret kind of happiness for the girl to do so, to enjoy something immensely without the others' knowledge of its fun. She acted like a maniac to them, although it was just the behaviour of a young child in her, to have fun and enjoy nature in its best state. She has never tried to pull anyone into dancing with her, since she knows how fake all of them are. They cover their vain and ugly bodies with expensive cloaks or silk dresses, putting make-up all over their hideous faces to hide the scars, walking with a false air of elegance. They are always concerned about their outward appearance, whether they have gotten their high heels dirty, their dresses wet.

As she dances, she is not concerned with the emotional pain she has felt from the whole dark world. It stings into her crumpled heart, but the rain and physical pain she feels is enough to wash them away for now. She chuckles at their shocked expressions, their mouths hung wide open and eyes blinking in mere disbelief. But they don't know that to dance in the rain, in a way she is taking refuge, to forget, to let the cooling water droplets wash away all her pain and guilt. She feels fresh and pure after every dance, it awakens an inner child within her. She loves dancing in the rain.

Soon it stops. The rain droplets stop falling. The grey clouds slowly edge away out of the stage behind the curtains and the light shines. The sun reappears and it shines a lovely, rosy light on the girl. She smiles for a moment, stretching her arms as though to embrace the warmth, but she later snaps out of her own thoughts and shrieks.
She can't be recognised by anyone now. It might cause her to lose her job. She needs to hurry.
With that, she runs out of the street, twisting and turning into different alleys. But she knows, that as soon as the rain starts to pour, she will continue to dance and she will wash away all the guilt, pain, shame and humilation that she has bore. That'll be her next date, to dance in the rain.

___________________________________________________________________________________
AWESHOM! I've finally finished it! This is dedicated to Ken, for some strange reason that I mysteriously forgot... >.< 

I'm so sorry, I didn't really do that well on this piece. There're sooooo much repetition! UGH!

Ollie

I don't know.

It's just a feeling, a strange vibe. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's making me uneasy. Sometimes I don't understand if I've been too much of a hindrance than a help. I want to break through, but I'm not sure how to. Sometimes it just makes me sit back down and try to smile. But I can't, so I pretend to be interested in something else, trying not to show my real emotion.

But I don't want to be viewed as a troublesome person by getting too paranoid. So I try to fling it out of my mind, but it doesn't work. I keep quiet, trying not to interfere so that I don't make more mistakes. I merely sit there and wait, trying not to agitate them. I wonder if I've changed too much that they don't like me anymore, then wonder if I have changed at all or become more clingy. I don't remember. My throat hurts and I cover my mouth to cough, keeping a distance from them in case they mind everything. I try to state examples, perhaps they have thought I'm a hypocrite, judging from my blog posts, but what can I say? Every example doesn't make sense at all.

In case they say Í'm trying to take up more attention by being moody, I try to smile and ignore all the others. I'm trying my best to act normal, but I just can't get that sickening thought out of my mind. Seriously. I don't know.

"Friendship is like a violin. The music may stop now, but the strings will last forever."

Things are changing, rapidly.

Even as I wake up to every single moment, so monotonous, change is occuring. With breakneck speed it flies past, its talons clutching onto the cloak as it wraps the earth around. The fabric withers and dies, leaving the new cloak to take its place. It undergoes a long period of time, replacing the old fabric bit by bit.
There's nothing to stop it, nothing at all.

We drive past the winding road,

At that moment in the car, mom is speaking loudly. I stare out of the windows, unconsciously tugging onto my blue T-shirt, pulling it downwards. The sky looks quite bright today; unlike the days of gloom. Perhaps it might stay at this weather for the week. Who knows? Mom continues to chatter, speaking of things "that younger kids like you should not interfere with". Dad grunts a reply and then mom continues to talk. I look towards the windscreen of the car, my eyes picking out several detail. Quite insignificant, but still there. I listen harder, then press my cheek against the cool window.
"If the elders go and plead with the younger ones, will they refuse? No."
I listen on, bored, storing information for future uses, if needed. Along with me, in the back seat, my sister is facing the other window. I turn back to my window, still staring.

Still vaguely conscious, but not quite.

"Have you accepted the offer from Nanyang?"
"... not really." I look out of the window, knowing where this conversation is going to lead.
"Are you hesitating?"
"... I suppose... I only have to accept, right?"
"So are you thinking that that is your only choice or is that what your parents are thinking?"
"I suppose... It's my own thinking."
"Are you afraid you can't get into RGS?"
"... Yeah..."
"You're afraid for your PSLE score?"
"Urm... yeah."
"But I thought you've been improving for these few years?"
"Urm, not really. I dropped in Science."
"But this year's Science was quite difficult, right?"
"Yeah, only two pupils in our class got A-star."
"Then it's difficult, right?"
"Yeah, but... if they can get A-star, why can't I?"
"Don't worry, you've been doing well, going uphill, right?"
"But... there's gonna be a time I'll start going downhill, right?" A restless shifting in my seat.
" Why are you so pessimistic?"
"I'm not. I'm just being realistic." A shaky laugh.

In the sandbox, I refuse to step out onto the beach.

I'm really apprehensive. It's gonna be a new step out there, to venture further into another different environment. We're all going our seperate ways, told never to look back. Without any support, we're just left to grope about in darkness and find another supporting friend to lead us back. The first few days will be painful, feeling the stark, naked panic rising in your chest, as you walk through another unfamiliar tunnel with sharp twists and turns.
If I could, I wouldn't want to try out the new tunnel. But I am going to get pushed mercilessly into the strange, scary darkness. It engulfs me and I know there's no turning back. I have to stay strong, to not let the tears fall.
You wonder if they'll still remember you, but a little comforted by the fact that there's still Teacher's Day and regular meetings on the computer. But with time, that bond will eventually break. The very thought arouses fear, that eats into the very core of our hearts.
You don't want to leave.

Those GREEN Things @ West Coast Park

They don green shorts, shrieking like girls. Oh well, maybe not all of them. I suppose it's partially because I'm a feminist and they are boys. Immature, irritating and rude.

We do have a lot of complaints from my class mates and school mates about them.

1. "Some of them went, 'Ai yah, those *insert my school name* girls so slow, like rich tai-tais... No wonder the queue is so long. Don't talk to them.' "

Is it our fault? I mean, the queue was just so long. I don't see the reason why we could possibly be hogging the queue when in that particular queue, there were only two of us. Also, why the discrimination? If the queue is long, please don't blame us. Have a little patience and wait. Is it really that urgent? Do you really need to eat immediately or else you would die? I think not, since you still have the energy to push the blame to us. If you are so spoilt and pampered, please go and learn some manners and do not jump to conclusions.

2. "Every time they see us, they will go, 'Don't talk to them'"

What is this anti-social behaviour? I mean, we haven't committed any of the serious offences that is so horrible that you condemn us? How can you be so mean? Aren't we all equal. I wouldn't mind if you did not bother us, but even saying these hurtful words out loud, isn't that so insensitive of you? Come on, we are just humans of a different gender. What is it that makes you think that we are unapproachable? Is it because you think we study too much and are too arrogant? Please, drop that attitude and instead of hiding behind your friends, come and get to know us better. You are labelling us!

3. "They said, 'Those *F-word* girls.' when they saw us."

What is with the swear word? It's not a nice word, nor a compliment, so keep it to yourself! This just goes to show how immature and rude you are. It also reflects badly on your character. Is it a must that you must say this word to us? Stop being so childish. If you don't even know the word but think it is cool to say, please drop that frame of thinking. And if you do know the meaning and you mean it, why are you saying such things about us? We have not done anything to anger you, have we? Do you really hate us so much that you just had to say it? Or is it just plain stereotyping? Grow up!

4. "When they were on the pyramid (height element), they were unfriendly; they started shaking the ropes, as though they did not see us climbing up."

Why are you shaking the ropes that we use for support? Is it part of your nature to be so evil. It is quite high from the ground and if we do fall, are you going to answer? It is also very dangerous. That just proves how playful and irresponsible you are. Before you even do anything, do you even consider the consequences? We all just want to play. Do you have to be so selfish and mean to hog up all the space at the top of the pyramid? Also, when we did not slide down fast enough, you simply snapped, 'Hurry up!' Does the playground belong to you? It is for the general public to share. I do not think that we purposely hogged up all the space on the slide, nor prolong the moment. Also, it was said that you put sand on the slide such that some of our classmates, when they were going down the slide, sand got into their pants. Have some consideration!

All together, this experience was fun, excluding the parts wherein those GREEN things were simply acting like childish, immature, rude and inconsiderate 12 year-olds. Please do grow up and mature, just as we are the same age as you are, we seem to be more sensible towards you and we do not act hostile towards you. And for those who were more sensible, please do not be offended by this post unless you are part of those rude ones.

I love you

The special three words, something so unique. However, it is always turned down by the pupils in my class. It does draw a certain amount of shock and the responses are always so predictable. When I yelled the words out to a very good friend, she immediately was taken aback and had both eyebrows raised. As I patted my 'granddaughter''s head and whispered the words out, she shrieked, "EEP!" and later said, "I'm not lesbian." When I smiled and spoke the words to my 'daughter', she scowled and replied, "I'm not lesbian."

It hurt to feel immediate rejection; love is just such a simple term, why should everyone immediately link that to relationships? Can't we love our parents, our kins, our friends? I suppose they just didn't understand. After all, those three words are to show how we admired or cherished the friends, weren't they? Sure, they could be romantically involved, but it just seems so weird to link those three words together with such things every single time.

Also, when I gave my friend a birthday hug, I could feel shock from another person. As I left, I could hear the birthday girl explaining, "It's just a hug." Why are we so isolated from the gestures used to express our friendship? Have we been too anti-social?

I love you, don't you?

Eww... I'm not--

Love can be used to express how you cherish someone. Don't you love your parents?

Yeah...

Nevermind.

A shopping experience @ Comics Connection

Kyah! Why are the Angry Birds plushies so expensive? And where are the English versions for this? Where's the rabbit plushie that used to be here? Ugh, K-pop. Hatsune Miku! Kyah! ...The animation doesn't look very nice... Hmm... I wonder if she'd like this... Ah well, I suppose she could get the Japanese version! This might enourage her to learn Japanese and stop her GREEK! ...Is this PG-rated? I've never seen the anime before but people say it's nice... Whoa. This looks gross... But it's a good story... Should I buy this for her? But she's stronger than a pile of jelly... But it looks disgusting... I don't want to freak her out... Hmm... Eh! This looks cute! I see no Greek here... Does she like Jolin Tsai? Ah! Cats! I should get one for her...

It was more of a rebellious trip, having deceived my dad that I was going to the library, but later confessing to him :D Well, it was so filled with many anime that I had never watched before. There were also pictures of K-pop idols, poker cards, Naruto figurines and of course, Angry Birds. The book titles were in Chinese and English, some Japanese. The plushies were so cute! Kyah! I wanted to cuddle them! But the cashier was staring...

In the end, I got some really useful and cool items, though a little expensive, for my 'sisters'! Anticipate! Ha! I hope you gurls will like it! And don't dump it into the bin, cos I spent most of my savings to buy it... :D

cracked mirrors

Idiotic. I really am.

Even as I try hard to find another chance, a slim hope, something, just a glimmer of light. I dig in the bare soil, deeper, deeper, my heart still aching with the wish. It throbbed, continuously, and even though I had experienced that sour, bitter feeling for many times, it still bit into my heart mercilessly, soaking the palpitating red organ and leaving a scar etched so deeply. The acidic feeling was horribly painful, bringing tears to my eyes.

At last, I am forced to admit that the treasure I have been looking for was never there. The simple realisation left me slumped to the ground. My hands were sore with blisters, my fingernails cracked and bleeding. The physical pain was masked by emotional pain, as I forced myself to stop being weak.

I'm just so damn tired.
I'm an idiot, now that I think about it.

As though I could see your face

Act 1

You hastily stand up, so does your partner. Although the air-conditionals are turned on to full blast, the few of us are perspiring hard; probably due to the fact that we arrived late from gym. I, as usual, take a head-count and sigh. 'Six,' I think to myself. "We're short of one," I announce, remarking the obvious. They nod their heads in unison and in synch, we turn to you. Scratch that. They turn to you. I stubbornly looked away, searching the class for another option. After all, we couldn't seperate you, right? She gestures towards you and you whip your head away from us, squatting down while she smiled sheepishly.

As though I could see your face, I knew that disappointment would be one of the emotions painted there.

Act 2

I talk into the phone, try to end the conversation, before casually taking a peek at you. You were balancing your head on your fist, looking extremely bored. I shift my gaze back immediately to prevent suspicion, and laugh, catching up with the conversation that I never participated in. I twist my hair in a very unnatural way, nod blankly, trying to be absorbed in the uninteresting chatter of words that passed around us. I shift the sling of my bag up my shoulder for more comfort and place a fist to my chest, my other hand clutching onto my mobile phone. And then she smiles, nudging me.

As though I could see your face, the thought of you anticipating me, waiting for me, made me nervous. It was an absurd idea, something so tall. I felt my heart pumping anxiously, with every of its beat followed along numbness. It was something that would only occur in a moment, that flying moment, with numbness, your brain stops functioning; You could only do everything based on instinct.

I allow myself to be pushed, but not without scowling at her. I lower my head, skipping towards you. Lifting my fist to bang on the glass to catch your attention, I realise that you have been watching. Stunned, I take a step back, trying to smile as I wave and point to myself then to the gate. You nod and waved back. I turned away and hurriedly walk past them, waving.

As though I could see your face, I could vividly sketch you out, with raised eyebrows-- using a thin pencil-- and sparkling eyes-- best with different types of pencil, or the way and weight used on the pencil to emphasise a difference, naturally with double eyelids or a single line below the eyes-- filled with amusement.

Paradise-- Coldplay

I don't know this feeling,

Something so deeply rooted,

So strong and full of life.

Is this paradise?

~~~

"Love, my dear child, love."

I looked up at Grandma, who merely smiled, showing all of her wrinkles. I crinkled my nose but tried to smile too. I sat in Grandma's lap, hugging her back as she patted my head. I could feel the warmth from her body. I looked back at the wooden door and heard Angie's sobs issuing from within. I shook my head and then glanced up at Grandma, who was whistling a tune. Our tune.

I hugged Grandma tighter and breathed in the scent of tomato soup coming from her body. I liked tomato soup. Grandma continued to pat my head and later whispered,

"Andrea, you will know it when you experience it..."

I frowned at her, displaing my cutest pout as I protested. She laughed, and that sound was like those of wind chimes, reverberating in the calm, gentle breeze. Grandma nodded astutely and wagged her index finger. She repeated,'

"You will know it when you experience it..."

Angie came out of the room, her hair tangled and her whole body posture slackened. Her eyes were puffy and red, telling tales of crying. Tear tracks glistened on her cheeks, as she raised a shaky hand to wipe them away. She looked away, embarrassed as she mumbled,

"I'm going to get a drink."

Her voice was not its usual soprano, cheery-like. Instead, she sounded like a thousand-year-old person. What terrified me was the sight of her dulled, hollowed eyes that didn't sparkle as they would usually. She looked nothing but an empty shell, hope escaping through the cracks, leaving despair to take its place. I shuddered.

Waiting till she was gone, I complained to Grandma,

"If that is love, I don't want it."

Grandma shook her head and lapsed into thoughtful silence.

~~~

But the pain that tortures us,

Alone on a stormy night,

Hurtful words that were flung across the room,

Our anger blinding us.

The terror that made me crumble,

Into tiny bits as I fell.

Is it still paradise?

Is it still paradise?

~~~

"I know it... It's love, isn't it?" I mumbled excitedly, trying not to show my blush.

Angie laughed and patted my head. She nodded, proving me right. My heart leapt. Love! Oh, what a strong and beautiful word that masks the deeper emotion, so fragile. I was dancing then, nature's rhythm of love coarsing through the entire room. Angie chuckled and jumped up to join me, as we twirled.

My bones felt hollowed like a bird's, my feathers tickling me as I giggled childishly. Every twirl only served to make me dizzy, but it was pure ecstacy; I needed to express the excitement, the anticipation in my heart that made me swell with happiness. Love, love, love! What an interesting word it was to me!

I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sunlight, so warm and comforting. The yellow rays turned my hair redish. It was a fairytale, so simple and lasting. Grandma was watching me from the bedroom door, nodding in understanding.

Nothing could go wrong.

~~~

No, of course it could never erase

The existence of our heavenly memories,

Your youthful smile

And my childish giggle.

Your hand in mine,

Under the moonlight,

We twirled and sang

Songs from our hearts,

Lo and behold!

The majestic power of such a simple word and emotion,

'I honour you', alas, you bowed.

'And so they lived happily ever after'.

~~~

And dreamed of

para-para, paradise,

para-para, paradise,

para-para, paradise,

~~~

As such, you enchanted me,

With the thoughts of paradise,

Our love that shone from within,

I was in paradise.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Gosh. I wrote this on a whim. But the song's nice, right? I heard that this MAY be the last album, Mylo Xyloto, but I hope not. :D Oh... I hope this made sense...

Signing off,

Ollie :D

IPOD Shuffle Quiz :D --Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

IPOD shuffle quizzes!

Rules:
1. Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle 2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer 3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! - Editor

1) What is your motto?
Impossible-- Maddi Jane version ... Wow. I never knew I was so pessimistic. *Raises eyebrows*

2) What do your friends think about you?
Viva La Vida-- Coldplay ... So they think me as a king who used to rule the world (heheheh) but then I got dethroned and stuff TT^TT... Anyway, that's my favourite song! Long Live Life! :D

3) What do you think most often?
Collide-- Howie Day ... MY NEXT FAVOURITE SONG! That I often bang into stuff? Well, that's unusual. Also refer to post named Collide.

4) What is 2+2?
World is Mine-- Miku Hatsune ... That's what I'm gonna do if my teacher ever asks me that question. Anyway, that's illogical, but I'm the number one princess in the world! ^^

5) What do you think of your best friend?
Spice! -- Len Kagamine .... nononononononono! That's impossible! Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! And I don't have a best friend. :D

6) What do you think about the person you like?
If I die young-- The Band Perry ... If I ever die young... But that song's based on the poem, The Lady of Shalott (Or something like that)... Go google it! :D

7) What is your life story?
Melt-- Miku Hatsune ... So I'm melting. I thought I was crumbling like toufu... *Raises eyebrows*

8) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Cantarella-- Miku Hatsune and KAITO ... ... Someone who likes another person, then drinks the poison, gets raped... EWW. NO WAY. I'd slice him with a pizza cutter :D

9) What do you think when you see the person you like?
Just the way you are-- Bruno Mars ... Finally, a decent answer. But yeah. I start going all crazy about his smile, eyes, bleh. O.o?

10) What do your parents think of you?
Party Rock Anthem-- By some band. I am too lazy to search. :D ... No. Just no. I can't shuffle.

11) What will you dance at your wedding?
Luka Luka Night Fever-- Megurine Luka ... That's cool! Infect everyone with your deadly disease! MUHAHAH... *cough**hack**wheeze**cough*... *dies* :D

12) What will they play at your funeral?
I refuse (Okotowari shimasu)-- Miku Hatsune ... I REFUSE TO BE DEAD! MUHAHAHA! I'M GETTING OUT OF THE COFFIN!!!!! Maybe not.

13) What is your hobby/interest?
Magnet-- Miku Hatsune and Megurine Luka ... NO! My interest is to get involved  in a relationship that is forbidden?... NO.

14) What is your biggest secret?
Too Little Too Late-- Jojo ... My biggest secret is that I got cheated by a guy but then he wants to apologise and stuff?

15) What do you think of your friends?
Apologize-- Onerepublic ... IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE! MUHAHAHA! FACE MY WRATH! ... Illogical.

16) What is the worst thing that could happen?
Jar of Hearts-- Christina Perri  ... Umm... The worst thing that could happen is a guy who broke my heart? Nah, maybe when the world runs out of cotton candy.

17) How will you die?
Just A Kiss-- Lady Antebellum ... Wow. I die because my crush gives me a kiss goodnight and I die of heart attack? That is interesting.

18) What is the one thing you will regret?
Enchanted-- Taylor Swift ... I regret meeting you and being enchanted by you? I think I would regret doing this quiz.

19) What makes you laugh?
Fragile Snow-- SF-A2 Miki  ... No, it doesn't! It's a nice and soothing song. :D

20) What makes you cry?
Rolling in the deep-- Adele ... Yeah, Adele's music is nice. And the lyrics mean that someone betrayed you. But I don't cry when I listen to it.

21) Will you ever get married?
Set fire to the rain-- Adele ... And get betrayed as the guy runs away... Or maybe I will run away. :D

22) What scares you the most?
Someone like you-- Adele ... HAHAHA. Someone like the person who created this weird quiz...

23) Does anyone like you?
Romeo and Cinderella-- Miku Hatsune ... ooh, sure, just that I kill the person in the end.

24) If you could go back in time, what would change?
Ai Kotoba-- Miku Hatsune ... I would change the fact that someone helped me? Nah, most probably change the presence of examinations.

25) What hurts right now?
Miku's Rain-- Miku Hatsune ... It's a sad song. But it doesn't hurt...

26) What will you post this as?
Every Teardrop is a waterfall --Coldplay ... Sighs. The world would have flooded by then. Still, nice song!

Yours sarcastically,
Ollie :D

11 October 2011

Sigh. What am I doing? I have totally no idea at all. It kind of bugs me, how I should be feeling sad, but I feel numbed anyway. Maybe I have mastered the art of numbing my feelings. :D

I stare at your back for a long time, wishing, hoping with all my heart that I would just be able to catch sight of you. Stalker-like much, no? Well, back to the point. I stare again, this time, tilting my head slightly downwards and pretending to be engaged in the phone conversation. I look up and see you staring. Right in front of you is another friend. She smiles and I too smile aimlessly back, not sure if I'm smiling to you or her. I fold my other arm across my stomach, still hesitating as I press the phone closer to my ear, ignoring the irritating buzzing sound that meant that it was still dialing. I get distracted for a while, trying not to think about you. I look up and see that you have disappeared from my point of view. I speak carelessly into the phone, murmuring the usual phrase; "Are you picking me up? No? Okay, I'll go home by myself."

The other friend bids you goodbye, looking very enthusiastic and waving happily, giggling. I sigh, still hesitating. The truth is that I don't know how to face you yet, since we haven't really been on speaking terms these days. You are leaving, and you turn back to wave once more. I bite my lip and hesitate, before raising a shaking hand and somewhat waving you goodbye. I turn to leave, trying not to trip over all the bags. On my way out, I hope you weren't somewhat offended by my attitude. The fact was that I didn't know how to face you, since we rarely had any topics to talk about and the only exchange that we had was just a smile when you turned back. My smile was confused and hurt, but I didn't know. You pressed your lips into a single line, looking as though you were smiling, but I didn't know. You turned back away and I can finally breathe.

I should be more sociable, more friendly, since this is our last year and the last time to create more memories. But being like a Cancer, I was just too hesitant, too afraid. I didn't want to get hurt again. So like the coward I was, I merely glanced out of my protective windows, hugging my plushie tight to my chest, to cover up the hole that had been burnt there.

I'm scared; I really want you to know my thoughts, but I'm afraid you would be disgusted, or even hate me. So I'm trying to seal up the cracked windows with wooden boards, locking myself in my fortress, free from sadness and disappointment, but also pushing out happiness and excitement.

I like to write in present tense, even though it isn't grammatically right. So there :D That was such a touching story, something I think I can relate to at certain points. Taken from parts of my dream and mixed up with reality and a dab of my imagination. But seriously, most of it is real.

My view on the Youtube video of Kids React to Hatsune Miku

I am irritated. It feels so horrible and I feel like it's eating me up. Yes, you are humans, so you have your own rights, freedom of speech. I kept telling myself that, "They are just a bunch of ignorant kids... They know nothing at all, nothing." But it made me feel worse. Look, the oldest was around, I don't know, fifteen or sixteen?
I quote,
 "These are fake! I don't think those people watching should... they should get their money back."

The people paid for the tickets knowing that she was an android. Fake? In what sense? In the sense that she isn't human? Do you know that those outbursts of yours will cause the creators to be upset or angered? How insensitive are you? Besides, those people have their own choice. Why are you telling them what they should do when they have already made their own choice?

"People want to see that? But she's not even real!"
"Oh my gosh, it's an anime character! Oh my gosh! I'm going to faint!"

You are over exaggerating. Look, what you are doing now is mocking the people's intelligence. Are you trying to say that all of them are cheering because of the fact that she's "an anime character"? That is insulting. This can also be counted as forcing your train of thoughts on others. So if you would very much hate (Please understand the importance and impact of this word) watching androids sing and perform, are you meaning to say that other people shouldn't be watching them perform too?

"Machines shouldn't be popstars! Just no! No!"

That is very much exaggerating. Who are you to condemn them? Does the world revolve around you? I think not. There may be people who actually appreciate their music, unlike you. You are so quick to actually object to the idea that it makes me wonder if you actually think it through.

"You can't be a fan of it! It doesn't exist!"
"She's not real! How could I be a fan of her if she's not real?"

These statements seem so hypocritical to me. It's the same as being a fan of a book character, like Harry Potter. Some may argue that the author, J.K. Rowling is real, but in the end, they end up being a fan of the character instead of the creators. And how can you be so fast to demand that no one can be a fan of this production when people have their own thoughts and own rights?

"She's not a real person, this isn't real music, I don't want to listen to it."

Is there a difference in music? Music is something that touches deep inside of your heart, to evoke some kind of emotion. Real music and fake? Is there even a difference? You are just being bias and judgemental because the singer isn't a real person. But still, the person who wrote the song is real. So if that piece of music was given to a real life human to sing, would you immediately refuse it? I think not.

When the question, "If you found out that your favourite singer, or band, was all computer-generated, would that change how you feel about them?"
"I'd probably cry."
"That would be horrible."

See, those people who were interviewed were actually objecting to the idea of having computer-generated singers. Does it matter? If they didn't know that the person they were listening to was an android, they would not be so quick to be prejudiced. Does this mean that they do not have an open mind?

Fake? Sure, it is a computer-edited programme, but if you are mature enough, and you should be as you are like, fifteen, don't you know well enough that you are being filmed and that video is going to be watched by millions of people around the world? I may be bias, but I find it completely unfair. Who are they to judge the Vocaloid and condemn it just because they aren't real?

This video was infuriating, but then again, I feel as though I am arguing on the base that I am actually a fan of their music. Thus this may be rather offensive to me. Some people may share the same view as them, so I have no right to control what they think. I just want to remind the people reading that whatever you say, as long as it will be released to the entire world (or not), please take on a more mature stand-point and not restrict yourselves to just one frame of thought.

I may have been contradictory in my own review, but then again, freedom of choice. Sigh. Ollie, don't get so worked up over these small, unimportant matters. Sigh.

For now, I need to eat a tuna sandwich :D

Five Steps --Dedicated to Pikachu :D

First Step.

“Life is cruel, isn’t it?”

Those were the very first words you spoke to me, your voice barely a whisper as we trudged out of the tunnel, the reverberating echoes trailing behind. The light was blinding and warm, after so many years of darkness, icy flailing fingers waving about, hovering like a lost soul. You simply smiled when I asked you why, and for once, I thought I could see the knowledge accumulated over the years in your eyes, vast and brown. Warmth, I thought immediately. Like a leading hand, I grasped onto you for support, even though my weight kept you down, you continued to march on, confident as you strode forward, occasionally looking back at my fragile, pitiful and pathetic frame.

“Come on.”

Second Step.

I could see a mirror of my weak frame in your clouded eyes. You were worn out, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was still as young and naïve, clutching onto your black blouse as I stared up. I thought I could see something hidden behind the happiness, but no, you kept it well, a secret. Sometimes I would catch you looking at me, as if unsatisfied and curious. You would seem to hide a deeper meaning within your words, laced with sarcasm. Was there empathy, too?

“Yeah, two peas in a pod.”

I could never understand why you would use that phrase, of how different we were. You, the confident, astute, beautiful and courageous adult that would appear to solve every problem, not hesitant or agitated. You were always masked with composure and calmness, something I could never imitate. How could you be compared to a small child, immature and childish, ugly in more than one way and so timid, afraid of the dark, everything? I did not understand, not at that time.

Third Step.

The first time I saw you cry.

You were huddled at the corner of your dimly-lit bedroom, sobbing uncontrollably, and tears leaking out. I wondered if I were dreaming, how could someone so strong break down? Apparently you had snapped, for once, your frame shaking, eyes red. I stood in the doorway, staring, hugging my pillow, afraid. You looked up, saw me, and stumbled forward. Shock filled me, robbing me of my speech. You were always so graceful, prancing across the room, but this time, I thought I could see the lost child in you, reappearing. You stumbled and fell into my arms, my frail borders of fence. I felt like a grown up, our roles reversed. For that night, we hugged and cried.

I did not know why I cried, perhaps that my childish mind thought that something bad and evil was coming and it was horribly terrifying, because it caused you to cry. Now, if I were back in that situation again, I would understand why you cried and I would have cried with you again, this time, for different reasons. You were hanging on like a thin strand of rope, about to break anytime, and you were so tired of having to continually shine your bright and seemingly carefree smiles on us.

“It hurts.”

And I thought that the monster hurt you, so I tried to hold you back in one piece, to prevent you from crumbling.

Fourth Step.

You looked at the skies, as we sat on the balconies, and you laughed without humour, your eyes hollow as you stared out, and I imagined your beautiful soul slowly spreading its wings as it flew away. You had aged, mentally and emotionally. You were tired, so tired of everything. Even though you had a smile on your face, beneath that cool façade, you were sighing. You thought I could not see anything, but I could. Still, I pretended to be that young and innocent child. I stared blankly at you, then on impulse, reached out to hold your hand, to stop you from having silly thoughts.

“Oh, and you still haven’t grown up. Now, what monsters are chasing you, again?”

I had grown. But I kept a sheepish smile and shrugged. You scrutinised me with your eyes, suspicious of my actions. That was the second time I had such a long look at your hazel eyes. Now the sparkles had faded into the background, and your pupils were looking faraway, blank and unfocused. I could see pain arching out, slowly burning you in hell. I squeezed your hand and you sighed. You shut your eyes and smiled. I wondered what you were thinking about. As I thought more, my stomach contracted.

Fear seized me once again, and I squeezed your hand, to stop the monsters from coming again.

Last Step.

You’ve gone. I tried to hold you back from falling over the edge, but you merely smiled, something so real and stunning that I momentarily let go of your hand, and watched you crumble away into pieces, the ghost of your last laugh still on your face.

...

I saw another girl stuck in darkness and I am reminded of you and myself again. She is lost, desperately calling out for help, but is ignored by those around her. I walk up to her, wearing your black blouse and she stares at me, blankly. I smile, and the first words I say to her are,

“Life is cruel, isn’t it?”

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I love this :D It was written quite some time ago and it caused quite a stir in a small part of the class; Because I published it on my school blog and dedicated it to someone, so they started discussing on who it was... Ha. It feels kind of funny to watch them discuss it, yet not daring to ask me at all. I shall let them continue wondering who it is dedicated to. Actually, there was no meaning in dedicating it to the person, I just wrote it for fun, but there may be an underlying meaning behind it.. maybe... :D

Have fun reading, Pikachu :D

Collide

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through

What seems to be daylight,

Or is it the end of the tunnel,

We've walked for so long,

Our thirst for light and hope makes us desperate,

You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

Are you ignorant of the many times

I have stared so longingly at you,

The times we walked through the darkness

With your hand in mine?

I don't know what to think now.

It hurts,

Your piercing smile of happiness

That doesn't reach to your hollowed eyes.

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Flash.

"We won't get out, will we?" I hear you say, slowly and softly.

I imagine a fear, a certain panic that was hidden behind your hoarse voice. But there was nothing at all, not even sadness. You were lost, your shoulders drooping, your head hung low. I could feel the stir of emotions rushing through you, as you masked it all with a cold, unfeeling face. I grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

"No, we will get out of here. We have to," I smiled, though you wouldn't see it, not in this darkness.

You shrugged, the very actions taking up a lot of your energy. What happened to you?

"C'mon. Let's hurry."

I literally dragged you over, trying to add a new spring in my steps, but you merely trudged along. You lost everything, your vigour, your smile, your cheerful attitude and the smile that I knew, that was so warm that it practically radiated the whole room you were in. I was afraid of losing the you I knew, your bubbly personality. Now you were a mere skeleton, with hollow eyes. I didn't want to lose you. No, never. With a desperate attempt, I squeezed your hand, as though it would squeeze some of the life back in you. I panicked, fear mocking at my very pathetic attempts.

Please. Smile again. 

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

"I'm not going to do it." I heard you speak, your uncertainty shaking your voice.

"You'll have to." I tried to put as much confidence as I could into my words.

"No. You can do it alone. I'll just drag you down."

"It was a mistake, just one tiny mistake!"

"You could have died at my failure."

"Don't be so melodramatic, please."

"I don't know," you sobbed.

I left the room, not knowing how to comfort you. Guilt tugged at my heart.

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

I don't like to talk too much, you see. I'll say something wrong every time I open my mouth. You popped out of nowhere, into my strange and ordinary life. You made a great impression, your radiant smile that shone, piercing through the darkness. It made me smile, shivering at the same time. Was I really worthy of such a friend like you? I didn't know. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to bask in the warm smile that you gave me the first time we met.

We soon became great friends, but somehow I started doubting myself, having doubts about myself, if I really deserved you. You were really a great friend. I found myself analysing each and every movement or word that I did or spoke, hoping you wouldn't see through my lies. Pathetic. I wished you wouldn't have high expectations of me.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

I don't want to end this. Not now.

I know I'm not good enough, but I'll change! I'll do anything!

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Too late.

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This is my opinion on the song, Collide by Howie Day. It's really nice, but a little sad, in my opinion. Haha. I love this song. It just made me want to write about it. I hope my writing didn't suck. :D

Pencils

Pencils are so lovely. Each and every one of them is special, gives out a special feel that urges me to draw, anything on a piece of paper. A sharp pencil can be used to write, dancing across the paper with words. The words are etched onto the paper and even though it may be erased, the marks are still there. However, the lead breaks easily, thus the sharp pencil is deemed fragile in my opinion, so gentle yet harsh with its marks.


A blunt pencil can be used to sketch, the creases of the lines evident. The lines are bolded, light and yet soft. A finger that smoothens the line out smudges it, giving the whole sketch a different image, looking old but radiant. Although it dirties the finger, the feeling of the lead smudged onto the soft paper is something so beautiful that words cannot describe the feeling.


Pencils are not like pens. They seem elegant and simple, not sophisticated at all. Pens give a totally different feel to the user, as they seem less casual and relaxed. The ink of a pen does not give the user the satisfaction which is given by a pencil to sketch. The lines of the pencil may be erased, so simply. The best pencils are usually wooden, as they do not cut the paper like the mechanical ones. The lines drawn are light and soft. They are not dark grey but are of a lighter colour, a little like silver. Silver is not like grey. Silver is bright, less dull and shines a little due to the reflection of light.


The lines sketched by a pencil may be hesitant, light. Extra shading may be required to bolden the line. The shading of the shadows of a person makes the drawing seem a little more real. By smudging the lines together, a darker shadow is formed, highlighting the aspect where the shadow is shaded at.


I love to draw, using wooden pencils, shading in the thin collar bones of the person, then adding a soft touch of shadow below them. The pencil can be manipulated to draw thin and thick lines, sharp pencils used to emphasise on the eye lashes and the eyebrows are emphasised with a blunt pencil, the thick lines falling over one another. The pencil can also be used to shade in the eyes, creating different impacts with a darker tone and a lighter tone.


I love pencils.