Musings -- Toys trollolololol

I was just thinking...
You know how children's toys are designed by adults?
It just doesn't seem right. After all, an adult doesn't know what children like, do they?
...
Then again, letting a 7 year-old design something might be difficult.

Love letters 1

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.

if only it were this easy to say it out in real life.

stringed together in my bedroom are pictures of you and i. it's still there, awkwardly. even though we've been apart for ages, i can't help but stare lovingly at those memories. fond, old memories.

pictures that are carefully framed and decorated, i gaze at the smiling faces. they contradict the cold war we're having right now. gaze averted, constant twitching of eyes, the need to be away in another room. no apologies are spoken, even as they stir and bubble in my heart, throat, clawing at my delicate resolve be heard; to reverberate throughout the room for you.

pride, it holds us down. i trace your smile, the luscious lips that curve upwards in sheer delight. your eyes are sparkling, wide with euphoria. my arm slouches over your shoulders and we are together, happy and carefree. we are complete.

 how long have you not been like this?

your hair drapes over your shoulders, the sun gingerly picking out the rare red in your hair. the strands glitter coyly and loll around your fingers. look, even they are glinting with excitement. your face glows red, puffing out cheeks adorably. our fingers are intertwined, locked together. forever, forever, they echo sardonically.

singing. dancing. laughing. playing. working. holding hands tightly, sweetly, happily, closely.

 i see the snapshots and they run a loop in my head. i miss everything about you, the slight hesitation, the laughter that never ceases to amaze me and make my heart jump, poundpoundpound.

the ivory skin that drapes carelessly over mine and the endearing pout of your lips. and of course, the emerald eyes that sparkle with hope, faith and love. they pierce through every pounding fibre of me, till they reach my heart. sparks erupt and burn into the skies like a nebula, it makes me dizzy with pleasure. you have chained me up with enchantment, a casual flick of your wrist.

i am afraid to see the coldness in your eyes, hurt and betrayal embedded in them. your aloof attitude and curt remarks. they wash over me in waves of regret, just as your smiles have disappeared from existence. your pupils have narrowed into slits, as you build a barrier around yourself. your trust has snapped, splintered into many fragile pieces. i refuse to pick them up and plaster them back into well-being, looking away. wrecked. torn apart. destroyed, callously, painfully, mercilessly. irretrievable. lost.

i am afraid to look into those hollowed eyes once more.

but for now, i'll push away my fear, my hesitation, hurt and insecurities and just say how much i

lovelovelove you.

_________________________________________________________________________________

The collection of love letters begins here!

This is just something I dug out. :D

Sigh, sigh, sigh. 

Ollie :D

hanganddrop

It's my desktop background, so wise and true. :)

Sigh, so many books that I want to read, but I don't really have time.

Reading 'Gathering Blue' and I'm enchanted by the first few pages already... 

Geography enlightened me for the first time today. :D

I have to go and memorise the stuff already. >o<

Monday is Geography and HCL. Why, why must they put both of my weakest subjects together?

Sigh. Time to revise!

-Ollie-

Musings --20March2012

ahhh.
it's been so long, so horribly long since i really listened to 'collide' by howie day.
it's so peaceful. the room is silent and rather peaceful and i feel as though the world is falling, tilting, sinking deeply into another world of darkness.
the light is bright (i think perhaps it would be good for me to install a night-light, but that's digressing.)
i'm really confused right now, a little in denial at how my work for 'iridescent' has turned out. part of me says, 'that's enough, seriously. stop editing.' and the other? 'just edit it. now.' (Edit: I really need to edit it already. It's too... out of point)
i'm rather content with how the story is already...
soooooo i should start with another story.
yes, nut, yours. i'm fretting over the plot now. it's so forced and unnatural. like it's just there cause i want it to be there.
i look at the class photos of last year and it stuns me.
so many faces, unfamiliar yet so recognizable. i let my hand hover over it for a few moments. egg's like her, alright, i decide in my twisted mindset.
joanna and i were going from classroom to classroom, just pretending to be stalkers with that dao staring look and finally laughing like mad before continuing until we got to our own class. and with that 'mantou look here' incident... we got overboard, but the teacher didn't really care.
-grins-
sorry bee, i don't think i can go for the alumni thingy because of block tests next week.
i hope you're not mad at me for not holding to my word.
es is pressurizing. story telling competition, we were enthu and they said we overdid it, laughing at inappropriate times (i didn't think there was ever an inappropriate time for laughing.). and we were noisy, disturbing the rest. puffy white marshmallows, are supposed to be demure, quiet, mature and conservative, you'd say? i beg to differ. that behaviour is restrictive, plastic and hypocritical. we didn't overdo anything, in my opinion. ahh, those words are so going to get me in trouble if anyone from es sees this.
home econs, pricked my fingers seven times. ouch. tried to sew back something because everyone was busy, pricked myself again and there was blood. not very pretty, i'd say.
does blood taste metallic? how does metal taste like? rusted? or like those metal spoons we have at home?
... i'll go google it later.

ollie

Monday Blues

sigh.
start of school again.
and block tests coming up.
third lang, i was goofing off.
we talked about leadership and that topic suddenly seems so mundane, repeated over and over again.
does it really help?
today, i agree with you char, is meet-your-senior-day. (for me, it's mostly ES seniors)
sighs. a year2 senior walked past our class 3 whole times. (yes, i was counting because she usually doesn't come past this corridor)
during math and recess, spotted club president walking outside corridor. three times. (char was talking to me about how today was meet-your-seniors-day and she saw my club president, then i looked out of the window and voila.)
a year2  NON ES senior came into the class (tho i was in correspondence with her, it still felt kinda creepy that she wanted to know how i looked like. i won't deny, i was partially curious as to how she did too.) to  look for me.
saw a year4 senior while boarding third lang bus.
sighs. 我今天为什么那么倒霉？

there was a huge bug during third lang and we were all like, whyyyyyy, why must you enter this classroom and disturb the class for ten minutes, my dear buggy friend? i'm not complaining that we wasted time over it, tho.

we're doing drama (somewhat) tomorrow for es. sighs. niehehehehe. watch as they falter in shocking horror at my as-stiff-as-a-block-of-wood acting. muahahahahaha.

我要睡觉了。。。。。。 -O-

Haunted--Taylor Swift

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all so quiet and I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Oh, holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted

Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He will try to take away my pain and he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

Oh, holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding onto nothing

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted

I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone
No

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
I can't go back
I'm haunted

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it 

Musings --A splay of colours

... If you come to think about it, although the rainbow is so bright and cheerful...
What if you mixed all of the [opaque] colours together?

... Wouldn't you get black?
Black meaning dark and despair...?

Hmm.

just close your eyes, the sun is going down

Nothing much to be said about the bunny that's acting like a boss *points up*

Sigh... what have I gotten myself into? 

Writing a poem/prose about 'Iridescent'?

Adding onto another list of things I need to write?

And the best part? I can't resist the urge to take up all of these challenges because it's just so addictive. Helium, I empathise with you!  d >w<||| b

I no own the picture, only the slight editing, which was just to add the words on.

Another burst of inspiration to write about 'Iridescent' but I'm just too exhausted. Sigh.

Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift is echoing in my ears now. Ah, sweet, sweet music. 

I want to read the Hunger Games, but I feel as though I should distance myself from books for the moment.

Just finished 空之镜 and it took me about five to six days. 

It's really nice and thrilling, even with the 繁体字, which kind of put me off...

I'm glad I chose this book over the other romance novels.

Ah, I still fear mirrors. But the reference to mirrors and revealing another flaw in the human's mind? Definitely awe-inducing.

I'm starting on 尤今 soon, and from what peeps have told me,

I'm confident it'll be an interesting read. 

Haha, I haven't been reading Agatha Christie for a long time. I think I'll find other historical fictions to read, or just go along with fanfictions. :)

I'll need to rest in order for that wicked (truly, wicked) burst of energy to seize me and start penning (or rather, typing?) down my thoughts.

Get ready, for Ollie-domination. 

ROFL XD

童话-乱伦 :O

“我爱你。”


这句浪漫又动人的话，我从没想过它会毁掉我的一切。
从小我是个有天分的舞者。受到鲜花，鼓掌的我，还有着优雅的身形，每天都会听见羡慕的叹声。而在我的世界里，亭亭玉立的公主会与帅气的王子结婚。我相信我是公主，傻傻地在浪漫的爱情小说陶醉其中。
平常迈着轻快的脚步的我刻意放慢了脚步，一直等着一个特别，勇敢及真正爱我的男生来对我告白。一想到玫瑰花的花瓣在风中以陶醉的姿势而空中漫步，他那金发被微风扰乱，眼睛里的爱慕，勇气，脸上带着一个充满希望的笑容。我的脸便会被草莓的粉红涂着， 心怦怦直跳。
他也就会用炯炯有神的双眼温柔地看着我。那句话从他樱桃般的嘴唇落下。


接着，我也就害羞地点了头。他，会把我抱起，一直踊跃地寻转。我，也不由自主地开始傻笑。
他，是我的王子，王子与公主，都会在童话故事里有个美好的结局。


我坚信，我的故事也会有个快乐的结局。
_____


“哥！” 我试着喊道。


隔离我和哥哥，有着一大群人，正在拼命地挤出‘交通堵塞’。 我不耐烦地噘了，叹了一声。太吵了，就像苍蝇一样厌烦。我踏着脚尖，试着看哥哥在哪儿。金发，金发，金发。这时，我看见了哥哥和另个女生拥抱。


一时摔倒在地上。


只知道心很痛，被火烧。像是一万支针插入我的胸膛，酸酸的醋溶解着心，留下了黄进般的苦味。火，早已传播了整个身体。突然感到生气，火，实在忍不着了。我握紧了拳头，深深地呼吸，希望这会让我心回到舒缓的节拍，海水会冲过烈火，安抚我的情绪。
但火不服，不肯被消灭，顽固地燃烧， 也把我的脸烫得一阵栗色。心中的魔鬼正拉开了喉咙，大声喊道：


“杀了她！杀了她！”


对如此的场面，我开始又慌又怕。我是个善良的人物，从不会这么激烈，现在的我，似乎是幻觉，带给了我恐惧。难道，这就是真正的我？我。。。。。。是个怪物，是吗？不可能！心，好疼，仿佛裂了，被刀割伤。如果公主是个怪物，还算是公主吗？没有了仁慈的心， 没有了成为公主的条件，我那快乐的结局，还会实现吗？


不。绝望涌过我的身心，没希望了。
_____




我发现了，明白了。突然觉悟了。我，那时感到的生气，是嫉妒。但这个发现，却引来了太多的烦恼。 福扎的问题，搞得我惊慌失措， 不知如何是好。我，爱上了哥哥。


那是个错误，是个忌讳，不因该发生的事。父母知道了，只会失望，大吃一惊。朋友们知道了，也只会对我指指点点。邻居知道了，会用着厌恨的眼神瞪着我。哥哥知道了，会把我当成个怪物看待，一定要被孤立， 再也不是天真无瑕的小天使，公主。我必须恨哥哥，远离他；因为短痛不如长痛，也不会感到如此伤心，混乱。在心情还没到复杂的阶段，赶快把哥哥推出去。


兄妹之间的亲情，不可超越那条细丝的线。要不然，那是乱伦，会进入地狱，掉进无底洞，一直埋没在嘲笑和悲哀，在黑暗中找不到出路，永远困在迷宫里。


这，是唯一的方法。
我的秘密，没想到那么致命。
_____




我不知道，我害怕，恐惧。我不想往镜子看见可怕的妖怪。
好几个星期，都睡不了觉，怕在黑暗中，邪恶的灵魂会接管我的思想。我不敢放松警惕，一失手，噩梦就会扑上前。
我怕它们残酷的笑声。我怕再一次被它们污染。我怕，我怕，我怕。我也只能躲在一个角落，把脸埋在手中，不知所措地哭。
本以为最了解自己的人，只有我。
现在，开始变异，成为了陌生人；以前熟悉的影子，现在变成了缠着我的妖精，暗中等着，寻找趁机下手的机会。
有一次，走过了课室，只见窗玻璃反映我的影子。 看见了不同的人，兴高采烈的眼神消失了，她像个空盒子，心灵碎成粉，被风吹到九霄云外，在世界的天涯海角，再也收不回了。
和瓷娃娃一样脆弱，白细，少了该拥有的灵活与光芒。
眼，少了闪闪发亮的爱和自信。脸上，缺少了甜蜜的笑容。
公主，不美了。
不会找到幸福。
_____


“佩宣，你为什么变得这么脆弱？我的小公主呢？” 哥哥舒缓地说道，走向了我。


不，不，快离开，不要过来。。。


把感情都压在心里，生出病了。


太爱你了，不知如何是好。


‘哥，你为什么长得那么英俊？’


‘要成为你的王子， 当然要长得有帅气，落落大方，才像个君子！’


‘你少肉麻了！’


‘佩宣，为什么那么残忍？’


‘大胆！你敢怀疑公主的话吗？’


‘啊！小的知错了！请公主饶命！’


‘哦， 看在本小姐心情好，就饶你一命！’


‘多谢公主！’


“佩宣， 其实，你是我的公主。从小，就爱上了你。我们为什么是兄妹？是陌生人，好比这样的处境好。。。。。。”


哥在说什么？


“我爱你。”


我，探头一望，只见哥那惊吓的神情。我，不再作梦吧？原来，他始终是我的王子。虽然哥的侧影好模糊，但我认得那有如太阳闪亮的金头发，似乎在给我温暖。


“正好，我也爱你。”


但哥没反应，只望着门呆呆得看，嘴巴又开又关，像个小金鱼。
我，也察觉到了别人的存在。转身一看，心，似乎停了下。


父母那吃惊，被背叛和绝望的表情，烫烧了我的身体，使我难以忘记。
我又被黑暗败下了。
_____


因为，童话故事只是个谎言。
王子，那晚，在深夜里逃走了。 微弱的月光照进房子，把房间照亮，却又强调了房子里女生的孤独，悲哀。月亮，把大地染成了一片银色。
公主--这还能算是公主吗？--坐在角落里，唉声叹气。
谎言，谎言。
她不会再相信了。
什么真爱的胡言乱语，童话的美梦。
这个世界，它们永远不会存在。
那， 在另外个世界呢？
_________________________________________________________________________________


whatisthisidon'teven.
...
It's rushed, isn't it?
But the only comfort I get is: ah, but when a girl falls in love, she gets really into it. Especially since she knows it's impossible, forbidden love, and plus the fact that she's so into fairytales? STRIKE. ah, young girls, full of hope-- wait, aren't I one too...? 
I forgot I'm a 90 year-old lady...T.T
Why are all my characters so extreme?
1. hardcore pessimist
2. hardcore suicidal
3. hardcore killer
4. hardcore stalker
5. hardcore realist

... WHY.

Ollie
the hardcore chibifyier.
NUUUUUUUUUU! >.<

Musings --Should I?

Was contemplating the idea of rewriting Five Steps. 

But perhaps it should be left just the way it is, original.

:)

Aargh, stuck with writer's block again.

WHY DO YOU TARGET ME, ALWAYS?

...

As do you, klutziness.

GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BUG!

XD

I may be going mad.

Not that I'm not. :D

AWEPIC

This is the neoprint of all of us, Char, me and RT. I think you should know who Char is by now, but you'll have to guess which one I am~ unless you're a stalker, of course...

Why am I always at the front? Hmm... cam-ham? Or perhaps because I was just the shortest... T.T|||

... We were overdoing everything. 

Because when there was this time limit, all of us went like,

"KYAH! WHAT DO WE DO NOW?! HURRY, HURRY DECORATE! ><"

Char's posted hers on her blog too...

And maybe RT will post on hers too! ^^

I can't bear to cut off one part and paste it on my phone... SIGH.

And... 

"AWEPIC"

The ultimate word, combination of the two totally overused words (awesome and epic)

We present to you... (if it hasn't already been presented...)

AWEPIC! <3

Oh and please do not download it and enlarge it by 100 times.

And do not tag me if you ever post it on Faceb**k, peeps.

Weren't we always?

I have mingled with tears too often to see the rain.

Strumming down the life of pain,

Weren't we always?

If you would just bring forth your grimace

And let it fall from grace.

Look past our fate,

And shimmy with our mates.

Weren't we always?

Casual, no interception

Nor with any perfection.

Look back on the days with wonder

And laugh upon error.

Weren't we always?

Innocence that flawed our statuses.

They chorused lightly at the dresses

in tatters of our dolls.

They'd beckon us away, locked the doors.

Weren't we always?

fill in the blank

i... cookie you. XD

If only everything about emotions was this easy.

Save Miku

Miku Hatsune, world's number one diva. She is respected and loved by many around the world. We, the fans of Hatsune Miku, are the ones who power the creativity of Miku. We support her and the other VOCALOIDS and in that turn, more people are spurred to innovate, create and inspire others about the wonders of VOCALOID.

I disagree with those who claim VOCALOID's music (it's a synthesizer programme) is fake music because after all, what is music? Music refers to something pleasant as compared to it's antonym, 'noise'. Music is something that touches people's hearts and evokes some kind of emotions, leaving an impact on the listener.

Now, high-rated Hatsune Miku (VOCALOID) videos are being reported under copyright infringement. How or who is the culprit, we do not know.

Let's save Miku, let's not abandon her again (reference to Disappearance of Hatsune Miku).

:D Miku fan volunteers have started a kind of campaign to stop VOCALOID videos on media stations from disappearing. They are currently investigating the culprit but most think of it as an action by an organised group.

Above is a rough sketch of Miku, although it doesn't really look like her...

Thus, this is my support for the campaign (unofficially, tho)

Save Miku. Save VOCALOID.

Ollie. <3

-Inserts troll face--

...
Writer's block.

Shoot.

Wrrryyyy~?

Now, how to solve it?

I need some traumatic incident to happen to me.
Somehow, they help me to write.

How do I get on my writing spree after the camp?
Sigh sigh sigh.

I had an incredible idea.
And had the whole plot forming.

But when I got to my laptop,
-inserts crickets chirping-

WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
-Inserts troll face-

GYAH! -Yanks hair-
TT^TT

My sorry fate...
Bleargh.

Screw you, that big opaque fog that twirls around and clouds people's minds.

Correction.
For our Montage.
We have to submit in two pieces of work.
...
That sucks, seriously.

Musings --So this is reality.

This is reality, apparently.

Cracked up, broken.

But it glitters, still.