hectic periods of school life

There are always these times you just want to sink into the comforts of your bed and never wake up again.

There are times you message a friend, "I know you guys have work, too, but I'm almost breaking."

There are always times you have to scream, but you can't find your voice.

There are times when you can't find the x in your equation, tracing your problems with the tip of your fingers (you know it's gonna /burn), and you can't dig anymore to find the roots of your problem.

There are times someone won't notice even as you give a grim smile, the moisture in your eyes reflecting the hazy figures in front of you.

There are times someone will notice.

There are times someone will ask if you're alright.

There are times you cry.

You're not weak because you break.

You're precious.

You're strong.

And there are times, you'll smile again.

Even as you delete each letter of your silent, loud plea from the whites of your screen, you know that self-pity is never an ally. You are strong to know self-pity and escape aren't allies, and even stronger to not fall for them.

Stay strong.

I believe in you.

Useless rant because language is a barrier

not in that sense but.

So.

Chinese.

The way that the teacher looks at me when I say something, or try to contribute- it's irritating.
It's like she's just giving me that 'oh-I-already-know-what-you-want-to-say-and-besides-you-aren't-fluent-in-Chinese-so-hurry-up-and-stop-delaying-class-with-useless-opinions' look, and I can't really- I mean, of course I could be wrong, but the difference is stark when it comes to me, and other students of the class. If they're good at Chinese, she'll just be really happy and stuff. I mean, of course she's happy that her better students are speaking up and making reasonable points instead of me because I'm always a jumble of thoughts and contradictions. But the look of contempt (?) is just stifling and annoying. I'm trying to work hard in Chinese right now-- oh wait, please don't say stuff like "oh, if you're really interested in Chinese then you should just work hard or confront your teacher" because firstly, I've battled myself with this argument at least five times. Secondly, the matter of confrontation isn't exactly the best because I'm not fluent in Chinese and all these are pure assumptions which is killing me right now, because I don't have concrete proof-- what, use her facial expression as an excuse? I can't just hate on how people look- if she did explicitly state my opinions were useless then I'd have something to work my way with. But no, so I'm just a whirl of ughhhnehehehehehenononononough- why

...
this is stupid.
Okay, since it's stupid, I shall stop thinking about this and be a nice quiet character in the backdrop.
meep.
I bet she's given up on me for the most. 

I wish I could pirouette

no, not really.

I don't actually feel that way.
I mean, I tried dance, when I was really, really young and cute at that time.

And I sprained my ankle, which was a one-way ticket out of dance and to calligraphy.
I did quit calligraphy later on, just so I could sleep.

Abacus was boring, so I quit, too.

And piano.
It was hell, for me.

WSC training yesterday, and my aunt brought us all to watch a movie, hence I got back home at 2 AM.
Didn't get any work done, except more debate practice and trying not to look like a fool while my teammates (expert debaters) prepped me on what to say.

We didn't get to go and debate, but I'm sure that if I did, I would have died.

Research is lacking, as in, I'm dying for everything right now I just how do people manage their time so well.
My class' OM teams are in great condition, even with their hectic schedules.
And here I am, flooping to my death because.

Anyway, debate.
So, I've got no experience in it whatsoever but I'm just kinda happy about it. I don't know.
We've just got to act our way through it~

It's kinda good we've got extra help from our mentors, because I would just crumble if we didn't.
I've been first speaker for the last few sessions, and I think it's quite okay-- second speaker is just rebuttals rebuttals points, points, yay. Third speaker is probably hardest because you have to think as they debated on and on and you have to conclude everything to leave a strong impression on the judges woah. Yeah, but you get to go first if you're first speaker and you can't mess things up.

Mehhhh.

I should do Japanese right now.
Oh what was I thinking, blogging when I've got work.

PROCRASTINATION HAHAHAAHAHA no.

okay.
bai peasants.
I love you all.

sleep is fluff

I've got work to dooooooooo
Lalalalala.
Nope.
Not gonna.

Sigh.
I want to draw some stuff but I know homework takes priority and that doesn't feel nice.
...

feeling insignificant right now.

If Caro leaves Singapore for Australia, I'll be really sad.
She's the closest classmate I've got. Other than sheeman.
I think.
I don't know what I am, honestly.

And I haven't written much because they're all on my tumblr blog. Even so, there still isn't much to write about.

Rachel T is going for WSC too! Wheeee :D except we're going to be competing with each other.
meep.

I've been sleeping quite a lot today, and I have a massive headache which is horrible because I just want to sleep and sleeping too much = neglecting homework = horrible, horrible, horrible me.

I wish I could potate passively and aggressively.
But there's nothing to think about right now.

My head just hurts a lot.
There's still Geog and History and Bio to revise.

Okay the title is stupid but I don't want to say anything else because
do you see what's wrong with the previous statement?
EVERYTHING.

oh god now my sentence structure sucks.
bleeeeeepp.