I'm confused.

I hope you dance

I hope you dance.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.

When one door closes I hope one more opens.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance.

'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack

I shall dedicate it to all my dearest friends. The world is large and it doesn't end with just one failure.
It's a great song.
I know I will miss you, but it's all part of life right?
Just finished reading Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyers, and I really agree with Jacob's first chapter, from his point of view.

I'm scared.

I'm scared we won't be able to meet again.

I'm scared we will forget each other.

I'm scared we won't keep in touch like we promised.

I'm scared of forgetting everyone.

I'm scared of time.

I'm scared of the fact that we grow so soon.

I'm scared I'd have to go through separation soon again.

I'm scared of how idiotic I've been.

I'm scared of repeating my mistakes.

I'm scared of regret.

I'm scared to say I'm scared.

Because when it suddenly passes by so fast, you'd realise that everything is just gone. You've been so idiotic, so stupid and so hesitant. You're regretting every single damned thing you haven't said or done. You've just realised how the whole thing works, but you only have that one single last chance to work it all out. You're so scared that it won't work out, and even if it does, you won't have any chance to finally savour all those times you should have had. You feel like banging your head against the wall. But you just don't know what to do. You're just scared. It's so horribly frightening, to be scared, to be cornered by fear, to just be lost. You feel so aimless and yet you wonder if it's worth a try. You feel those tears finally coming out, but you try to hold it in. The sour acidic feeling bites you into pieces, and you feel so difficult. It's complex and you feel like an idiot.

All those feelings are so frustrating, that you don't want to do anything at all.

I'm scared.

Pikachu, I'm just so scared.

Dancing in the rain-- Dedicated to Ken

She spins around in wild glee, her white silk dress draped around her slim frame. Her hairband falls out due to her rapid turns, releasing the strands of reddish-brown hair that swing around her head. She is laughing maniacally, her head thrown back and her arms outstretched, as though she had seen the most ridiculous scene ever. Rain was pouring, the little transparent droplets mercilessly attacking her figure, breaking away at the slightest contact and then soaking into her skin. The cool touch of the droplets against her burning skin makes her shudder, but she giggles away the discomfort.

But she continues to dance. She skips a little to the left, her eyes firmly shut, that smile never leaving her face. She kicks into a puddle, then continues to jump in the puddle like a little child. She claps her hands together, the blissful look on her face still. Her actions have attracted the attentions of the other passers-by. They look horrified at the teenager who is wearing boots with a flowery nightgown dancing, scratch that, jumping around in happiness. Some gasp, and try to cover the girl with a cloak or an umbrella, but she merely gently pushes them back into shelter and bows before resuming her own parade. Others shake their head and remark on how silly the girl is, walking away with a kind of indigant look which clearly states, "I am so apologetic to see such a deranged girl, yet I am sure she has the sense, or perhaps her parents, have the sense to take better care of her."

The girl had lost her sense to even think in the weather, flinging herself out into the street and kicking her legs, putting her hands in a position above her head like a ballerina. Her boots are already brown with the mud and are still wet due to the fact that she had been jumping into any puddle regularly. To dance in the rain was a joy, something that no one would even think about before they disapproved. It was a secret kind of happiness for the girl to do so, to enjoy something immensely without the others' knowledge of its fun. She acted like a maniac to them, although it was just the behaviour of a young child in her, to have fun and enjoy nature in its best state. She has never tried to pull anyone into dancing with her, since she knows how fake all of them are. They cover their vain and ugly bodies with expensive cloaks or silk dresses, putting make-up all over their hideous faces to hide the scars, walking with a false air of elegance. They are always concerned about their outward appearance, whether they have gotten their high heels dirty, their dresses wet.

As she dances, she is not concerned with the emotional pain she has felt from the whole dark world. It stings into her crumpled heart, but the rain and physical pain she feels is enough to wash them away for now. She chuckles at their shocked expressions, their mouths hung wide open and eyes blinking in mere disbelief. But they don't know that to dance in the rain, in a way she is taking refuge, to forget, to let the cooling water droplets wash away all her pain and guilt. She feels fresh and pure after every dance, it awakens an inner child within her. She loves dancing in the rain.

Soon it stops. The rain droplets stop falling. The grey clouds slowly edge away out of the stage behind the curtains and the light shines. The sun reappears and it shines a lovely, rosy light on the girl. She smiles for a moment, stretching her arms as though to embrace the warmth, but she later snaps out of her own thoughts and shrieks.
She can't be recognised by anyone now. It might cause her to lose her job. She needs to hurry.
With that, she runs out of the street, twisting and turning into different alleys. But she knows, that as soon as the rain starts to pour, she will continue to dance and she will wash away all the guilt, pain, shame and humilation that she has bore. That'll be her next date, to dance in the rain.

___________________________________________________________________________________
AWESHOM! I've finally finished it! This is dedicated to Ken, for some strange reason that I mysteriously forgot... >.< 

I'm so sorry, I didn't really do that well on this piece. There're sooooo much repetition! UGH!

Ollie

I don't know.

It's just a feeling, a strange vibe. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's making me uneasy. Sometimes I don't understand if I've been too much of a hindrance than a help. I want to break through, but I'm not sure how to. Sometimes it just makes me sit back down and try to smile. But I can't, so I pretend to be interested in something else, trying not to show my real emotion.

But I don't want to be viewed as a troublesome person by getting too paranoid. So I try to fling it out of my mind, but it doesn't work. I keep quiet, trying not to interfere so that I don't make more mistakes. I merely sit there and wait, trying not to agitate them. I wonder if I've changed too much that they don't like me anymore, then wonder if I have changed at all or become more clingy. I don't remember. My throat hurts and I cover my mouth to cough, keeping a distance from them in case they mind everything. I try to state examples, perhaps they have thought I'm a hypocrite, judging from my blog posts, but what can I say? Every example doesn't make sense at all.

In case they say Í'm trying to take up more attention by being moody, I try to smile and ignore all the others. I'm trying my best to act normal, but I just can't get that sickening thought out of my mind. Seriously. I don't know.

"Friendship is like a violin. The music may stop now, but the strings will last forever."

Things are changing, rapidly.

Even as I wake up to every single moment, so monotonous, change is occuring. With breakneck speed it flies past, its talons clutching onto the cloak as it wraps the earth around. The fabric withers and dies, leaving the new cloak to take its place. It undergoes a long period of time, replacing the old fabric bit by bit.
There's nothing to stop it, nothing at all.

We drive past the winding road,

At that moment in the car, mom is speaking loudly. I stare out of the windows, unconsciously tugging onto my blue T-shirt, pulling it downwards. The sky looks quite bright today; unlike the days of gloom. Perhaps it might stay at this weather for the week. Who knows? Mom continues to chatter, speaking of things "that younger kids like you should not interfere with". Dad grunts a reply and then mom continues to talk. I look towards the windscreen of the car, my eyes picking out several detail. Quite insignificant, but still there. I listen harder, then press my cheek against the cool window.
"If the elders go and plead with the younger ones, will they refuse? No."
I listen on, bored, storing information for future uses, if needed. Along with me, in the back seat, my sister is facing the other window. I turn back to my window, still staring.

Still vaguely conscious, but not quite.

"Have you accepted the offer from Nanyang?"
"... not really." I look out of the window, knowing where this conversation is going to lead.
"Are you hesitating?"
"... I suppose... I only have to accept, right?"
"So are you thinking that that is your only choice or is that what your parents are thinking?"
"I suppose... It's my own thinking."
"Are you afraid you can't get into RGS?"
"... Yeah..."
"You're afraid for your PSLE score?"
"Urm... yeah."
"But I thought you've been improving for these few years?"
"Urm, not really. I dropped in Science."
"But this year's Science was quite difficult, right?"
"Yeah, only two pupils in our class got A-star."
"Then it's difficult, right?"
"Yeah, but... if they can get A-star, why can't I?"
"Don't worry, you've been doing well, going uphill, right?"
"But... there's gonna be a time I'll start going downhill, right?" A restless shifting in my seat.
" Why are you so pessimistic?"
"I'm not. I'm just being realistic." A shaky laugh.

In the sandbox, I refuse to step out onto the beach.

I'm really apprehensive. It's gonna be a new step out there, to venture further into another different environment. We're all going our seperate ways, told never to look back. Without any support, we're just left to grope about in darkness and find another supporting friend to lead us back. The first few days will be painful, feeling the stark, naked panic rising in your chest, as you walk through another unfamiliar tunnel with sharp twists and turns.
If I could, I wouldn't want to try out the new tunnel. But I am going to get pushed mercilessly into the strange, scary darkness. It engulfs me and I know there's no turning back. I have to stay strong, to not let the tears fall.
You wonder if they'll still remember you, but a little comforted by the fact that there's still Teacher's Day and regular meetings on the computer. But with time, that bond will eventually break. The very thought arouses fear, that eats into the very core of our hearts.
You don't want to leave.