Wednesday 20 February 2013

Useless rant because language is a barrier

not in that sense but.

So.

Chinese.

The way that the teacher looks at me when I say something, or try to contribute- it's irritating.
It's like she's just giving me that 'oh-I-already-know-what-you-want-to-say-and-besides-you-aren't-fluent-in-Chinese-so-hurry-up-and-stop-delaying-class-with-useless-opinions' look, and I can't really- I mean, of course I could be wrong, but the difference is stark when it comes to me, and other students of the class. If they're good at Chinese, she'll just be really happy and stuff. I mean, of course she's happy that her better students are speaking up and making reasonable points instead of me because I'm always a jumble of thoughts and contradictions. But the look of contempt (?) is just stifling and annoying. I'm trying to work hard in Chinese right now-- oh wait, please don't say stuff like "oh, if you're really interested in Chinese then you should just work hard or confront your teacher" because firstly, I've battled myself with this argument at least five times. Secondly, the matter of confrontation isn't exactly the best because I'm not fluent in Chinese and all these are pure assumptions which is killing me right now, because I don't have concrete proof-- what, use her facial expression as an excuse? I can't just hate on how people look- if she did explicitly state my opinions were useless then I'd have something to work my way with. But no, so I'm just a whirl of ughhhnehehehehehenononononough- why

...
this is stupid.
Okay, since it's stupid, I shall stop thinking about this and be a nice quiet character in the backdrop.
meep.
I bet she's given up on me for the most. 

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