Christmas in the Cave

My cough isn't getting any better.

I've been forgetting things and people far too easily. All I have left are just some memories, blurred and vague. Memories of people- those that look pretty familiar and whole but if you zoom in on them, you'll see you can't remember them at all. Maybe those are the memories to keep at a distance and never try remembering.

My cough isn't anything big. It just comes in small bits and my throat isn't that dry either. It just makes me feel like I'm choking. Choking for air. Like there's not enough, simply not enough air. Like someone's squeezing my throat and only allowing bits of air to enter and I can't control it. I try, holding my breath and not cough, but it just suffocates me.

Right now, I'm in the Christmas mood. Listening to Andrea Bocelli is lovely. He has such a nice voice and the Christmas carols he sings are all so soothing and relaxing, so homey and happy. So peaceful. I'm almost expecting it to snow, especially after listening to White Christmas by him. Here, in the silence of the night (with only the sound of my choking for air), I feel so comforted. Yet as I gasp and choke for air, my heart isn't thrumming wildly. It's just reduced to a warm, slow beat. It's as though I have conquered death (what a thing to say, I know.) and my physical self is decaying, but my soul is calmed and at ease.


I've been drinking green tea. It's bitter, but fragrant. It also warms my tummy.

I'm turning extremely nocturnal, and I think it's the peacefulness of the night that's luring me. I'm not tired. I'm just extremely peaceful, satisfied and happy. Happy to be away from people.

I'm also worried- well, not quite, seeing as I'm quite composed, my soul, at least. I've sunken into this holiday far deeper than the others. It's like all my friends have faded into the background. Like they are there, but they don't actually matter. Right now, I'm prepared for school. Maybe not quite, but the main gist is there. I've also grown terribly intolerant to people. I'm okay with my friends, because I know they're not quite human (potatoes, aliens, tomatoes, the whole lot), but when it comes to people, I dislike having to acknowledge their presence. This is bad. I'm reverting to my natural state- the hermit crab.

But they're all fading away. Like they do exist, but they don't. It's complicated.

The shooting in Connecticut. It reminded me of Faye-Anne. It's pretty dangerous there. And people who go killing little children. Why? I don't understand. Nobody does. Your thoughts are individual, but they're pretty much similar to everyone's, the way we live, in our own cultured society (or uncultured, but our thinking always grow from the same seed our parents or guardians plant in our heads). Anyway. I think we're pretty lucky to be alive, right now. That although we have a few bad people or some sick thoughts going viral in people's minds, humanity is good. Humanity is naturally good. And there are people who believe. These awful murders keep cropping up, but this one is much more shocking, like the other school shootings, because these were young children. Extremely young children.

Can you imagine? Hoping your mom will come, but instead being locked in closets or classrooms and waiting in the darkness, fear in the air while your young mind is in a whirl, worried, unsure. And then they tell you you've got to keep quiet, or you'll get shot. And suddenly you remember your mom, how you stole the last cookie from your sister, your dad who always hugs you when he reaches home. You want all of that. You don't want this mess. You don't want to die. You want to be home.

That's horrible. That's cruel.

I'm working on a play and I'm undecided on the plot and everything. I keep missing things out so the best way is to write it all on paper and get to know the characters like they're real. I've created the characters from the little traits of my friends. And while writing, I feel really hypocritical.

"Jack Frost nipping at your nose."

I don't live in a country with four seasons, so I don't exactly know what it's like to feel snow. It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? How people in countries far away from the equator wish they could live in a place with stable weather conditions while people in countries near the equator wish for snow and the four seasons. I know how terrible snow can be, snowstorms and such.

I just wish Santa visited. Or at least, that I believed in him. I don't recall believing in many fictional myths. I just took them as fake. I don't remember ever having time for them. My childhood was pretty practical. I guess. Since we don't have a chimney -laughs-

Typing out the logistics for my mom and she says that it's what adults do when they work in offices.
I don't like this.
Although I've gotten the hang of it, I don't want to do this every day.

[irrelevant scientific facts: typing will burn around 29 calories per hour and the letter 'e' is the most typed letter of the alphabet and as you press the spacebar, 600000 people around the world are, too]

It must be boring.

Sigh.

Let the world melt and burn. But always, keep believing in humanity.

Today was April's fool. Silly girl.

Four poems, each a lie.

((words are like ethanol.
teasingly so-
and then once they're done flirting with you,
they go away.
evaporate, leaving no traces behind-
not at all.))

and in the end
we're all april's fool.
trapped in the summer heat-(or is it spring,autumn, winter)
jumping around in imaginary seasons
that put a slight spring (spring!) to our steps
and yet the heat presses down on us again.

time gently accentuates our features-
painting blemishes and little etchings over
our faces and
arms and
beautiful varicose legs and
our whitened--frizzy hair.

and in the end
we're nothing but white
white bones that break and
creak under
pressure of gravity.
-and under ground too-

YAY I AM SUGAR HIGH

Decided to do stretching in the middle of the night.

I FEEL SO AWESOME NOW.

All those people I have thought of as normal...

well, let's just say most of them were insane to begin with.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE NORMAL!"

Of course, I have a sane and matured side too.

It just... it just never comes out.

We're marchin' on!

Our first--well, it's not actually official--CCA session without the sec 4s.

WE NEEDED THEIR HELP.

Okay, maybe not.

But as we removed the exhibition, it felt like...

it felt as though the sec4 seniors should have been there too. Like, witnessing the 'birth' and 'death' of their last exhibition... It was rather sad. I mean, that was our nicest exhibition yet D:

And they removed it D:

IT WAS AWESOME. IT SHOULD HAVE STAYED THERE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER.

I SHALL TYPE IN CAPS BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY THE WORDS LOOK! :D

BUT ANYWAY.

TOMORROW'S THE FUNFAIR, I SHOULD BE SLEEPING, BUT I'M... WELL, GOING TO SCHOOL LATER THAN USUAL.

WHEEEEE. IT'S ANOTHER RED-AND-WHITE BE YOURSELF DAY.

HOW FUN~! :D

WE'RE GOING TO SELL CHEESE FRIES AND HOT DOGS. 

I THINK I'LL STICK TO THE ES CCA BOOTH BECAUSE I AM 无家可归 XD

BELOW: NYES SPRING AND WINTER VERSION. I DON'T DARE TO POST IT ON FACEBOOK.

WINTER IS, ADMITTEDLY NICER. BUT STILL...

WHAT ABOUT AUTUMN AND SUMMER? I'M KINDA STUCK.

LIKE, HOW DO I EVEN DRAW THE FRIGGIN AUTUMN LEAF?

I THINK I'LL NEED TO USE PHOTOSHOP INSTEAD OF MURO FOR THIS.

SUMMER...

OH YES I HAVE AN IDEA

WHEEEEEEEEE~

LET'S HOPE IT WILL WORK.

THEN AUTUMN FOR THE LASTTTTTT~

YAYYAY

WISH ME LUCK.

...

NO, DON'T.

YOU'D BE WASTING IT.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OKAY I SHALL EMBARK ON A JOURNEY TO DESIGN ANOTHER ONE.

SUMMER. IN PROGRESS.

*Edit: NYES--Summer is the only one (yet) to require a shitty blueprint. =.=

Well, hello sir we look for Monday.

I kinda want a blogskin, but it's too much of a trouble. So here, I changed the template and it looks rather neat and pretty to me :D

Dreaming out loud, dreaming out loud.
-forever hidden under the abstractions of the rubik's cube-
I'm the king of the world.
-counting golden promises that melt away under my shaky, timid laughter-
Storm tries to come and wreck my words.
-I just need a lightning (splinters of a lava lamp)-

Well, hello sir, we look for Monday.
-my favourite lines always have to end with a slight twist to it.-


This is why I'm a Onerepublic fan and not a Direction((less?)) fan.

It's like wry and ironic, so mysterious, like the Cheshire cat.

Onerepublic writes their own songs. Beat that, peeps.

I love love love love love this band :D

Project Steampunk on the way!


Well, hello sir, we sleep on Monday. 
-indeed, I'm not looking forward to LA SIA story telling. BT2 was just over...-

"I SAY THAT CHEESE BURGERS SHOULD COST MORE THAN GOLD!" -facepalm-

I was buying cheese burgers and was walking past a jewellery shop. Then I thought about someone robbing me of money (y'know, the standard "money or your life" gag) and I hugged the cheese burger tighter. Then it came to me...

Me: I think cheese burgers should cost more than gold. Why do people even want to buy gold anyway? It's useless. It just sits around there--not fluffy or cute--and sparkles. While the cheese burger can sustain life, the gold just sits there doing nothing. Why do people think that gold should cost a lot?

Sis: Well, people like gold. And besides, it's a rare metal that needs to be dug up from the ground.

Me: But it doesn't do anything! And it's pretty much useless. Why do people even bother digging them up? Shouldn't cheese burger be of a higher value? Why are they so cheap? I'm not complaining, of course, just... isn't it weird?

Sis: Well, if you put it that way, most humans are weird. Perhaps it's because it's very rare and pretty, can be used for decorative purposes? Besides, people have already set the standards. Gold is worth a lot of money, even if it just sits there and do nothing.

Me: ... Still, if we're actually talking about decorative art or something like that, a few twigs and leaves can do the trick, right? Why do they want something that... that...is completely useless? The cheese burger can sustain human lives!

Sis: Still, gold is bright coloured and it's prettier. Look at carvings on gold--don't they look exquisite and intricate? Whereas twigs are of a darker shade of brown, hence it's much more difficult to spot the patterns--if you ever did carve into them. That's why gold is much more favoured.

Me: ... But gold is useless. And it causes war and trouble. It causes greed. Whereas the cheese burger makes people happy!

Sis: But after you eat it, it's gone, isn't it? Look at a cheese burger and gold. The cheese burger will rot soon, while the gold can last a long time.

Me: Then, talking in rarity, the cheese burger wins!

Sis : ... -facepalm-

Aaaaand, the winner is...

CHEESE BURGER!

TEAM CHEESE BURGER, WHOO! :D

... we ate it anyway.

"So, I don't literally--well, it doesn't make sense but--get anything but the fact that people are judging me. It's like, all the time--" "Aren't you judging them, too?"

Was having a chat with wise old dad.

Me: So, um, there was this 'Character Development' module or something like that and, um, well. They just asked this question about what I thought about this line, "Character is what you are in the dark."
So I said that, "It means that in the darkest of times, in the face of adversity--it sounds weird but--what you truly are." and the teacher was staring at me strangely then she said, "Uh, interesting thinking, you have there."

Dad: Hm. Then there's something wrong with your interpretation of things.

Me: Nonononononononono. I--just I don't--it's not wrong. It's up to interpretation of matters, so there's practically nothing wrong with my statement. She was like staring at me weirdly and then she asked another student. It was like, she was trying to get a correct answer! Then the student said, "I think it means character is what you are when no one's watching."
So I don't quite get it when the teacher said, "Yes, that would be it." Like it was a model answer. That question was practically up to interpretation and--it might be a strange way of expressing herself but-- it's not like, Math, where everything is definite. And when she said, "that would be it.", it felt as though everything has a correct answer--

Dad shakes his head.

Dad: I think you don't really have much exposure in this area.

Me: But I've actually had lots of talks like this and on instinct, I just answered it. I've gone through lots of lessons when they say that "Character is what you are when no one's watching" and yet I just answered it in this way. That's strange. And it's like, they expect you to think that way, so she was shocked when she heard my different answer. Isn't that so... condemning? Like, they're teaching moral educations with a standard model answer--that doesn't sound right. Uh... it's like, they want to structure our brains in this way that...we'll think the same answer?

Dad: I think it's because you haven't got enough depth in this area, like you're still amateur at trying to--

Me: There is no difference in level of interpretation. Like... umm, if... well... if someone says, "The curtains were blue" and another person--supposedly of higher intellect-- says, "The blue curtains represented the writer's angst" and all that stuff, I suppose people would say that he's better at interpretation, isn't it? But maybe the writer just meant that the curtains were friggin blue. In fact, interpretation is up to everyone of us. It depends on what we relate to.

But the thing is. I think the teacher was judging me. It's like, a random strange student just says something out of the norm and then--

Dad: But aren't you judging her?

Me: ... nonononononononono. I'm just--

Dad: Look, it just depends on everyone's background and cultural preference. What are you trying to say? That you disagree with the statement "Character is what you are when no one's watching"?

Me:... Hm. Not exactly. But I don't really get how that can happen. I mean, like, in the dark, we can still all see, right? It's not like pitch black dark.

Dad: That was not literal.

Me: Oh. But anyway, there's still a pair of eyes watching you! I mean, it can't be--

Dad: See, so you believe in the existence of a God that's watching you.

Me: That's not what I meant. I meant that you'd still be watching yourself, out of fear of the possibility of someone still watching you. It's like, you're watching yourself.

Dad: But for that moment, you'd still be yourself, won't you?

Me: Butbutbut. Look, you'd be yourself for just a moment, then you'd turn back to your... fake self and it gets kinda confusing like who is your real self? And then it--

Dad: That's only for someone as confusing as you.

Me: Not true! Sometimes you get so caught up in being fake that you'd... you'd--I don't know--forget yourself? And in the other case, in the case of adversity, you'd choose, won't you? Like Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew--the main focus is on Peter, of course. He chose to help Voldy and--

Dad: Who are they?

Me:... Uhh, some people. So anyway, the words "Character is what you are" were in black and the background was white while the words "in the dark" were white in black background and that kinda led to me thinking that it was a candle in the dark. Kinda like hope or faith, right?

Wait, what am I talking about? But anyway, I still don't quite get how people instinctively react to this... statement as nobody seeing you. I mean, in the dark, no one is watching you, but can't they be hearing?

Dad: It's not literal.

Me: Butbutbut. Aargh, so I don't get why my interpretation is wrong.

Dad: I never said your interpretation was wrong.

Me: You said there was something wrong with my interpretation of things.

Dad: I wanted to say that it all depended on your cultural background and what your values are and all that.

Me: ...

Dad: Eh, drink your soyabean. We're leaving.

My dad is awesome. :D
he keeps reminding me how stupid I am TAT

Jerry and I are getting married. Now, where to find cabbages... jk,jk :D

You sort of start thinking anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.

I has been attacked by the fanvirus as well.
The Harry Potter fanvirus has gotten to me.

Gyahhhhhhh. I just felt so... sad while scrolling through those tumblr Harry Potter quotes.
I feel really resentful that Twilight got ''Movie of the year" instead of Harry Potter. It's the last movie already (Deathly Hallows), so why give it to Twilight? I mean, Harry Potter was an awesome series, something magical and so beautiful--EPIC.

I'm not a fan of Twilight. The books make me laugh, though. I would say that in terms of books, I would prefer Harry Potter but Twilight--the overall plot idea is rather... refreshing...?--is not that terrible. Twilight (book version) seems to be more of a whine/rant. I think it's one of its weaknesses, written in a first-person format that perhaps the author kinda slipped away? Also, Twilight is kinda draggy. I mean, example:

1. They arrive at a conclusion (like... Bella's being chased by some vampire)

20 or more pages later...

2. They're still describing Bella's fear of being chased.

Okay, so in that 20 pages or so, there's probably going to be some flowery details about her fear (heart pumping--basically, the works). Or maybe they used up 18 pages of that 20 to write about Edward's perfection?

((I have to confess--the idea of a sparkly vampire turns me off))

Whereas, Harry Potter may be a little mundane, but it's really got this grip on you. I think it rather describes characters who we can relate to and the English is rather good. It doesn't have a lot of description (of, for example, the patronus looking so sparkly and silver and all that) but it leaves it to your imagination. :D

The books are away from me now, so I may not be as accurate. :D
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The movies:

Harry Potter


I didn't really feel the 'magical' part in the first movie. But watching the first part of Deathly Hallows made me go eye-wide and cry. I--kinda--cried because it was so awesome (I cried during Madagascar 3 because the effects were just so epic and it was so inspirational, the music...). I wanted to watch the second part because it seemed like the end of everything and I wanted to just follow Harry's journey.

Despite the overall positive review about the movie series, I thought that in the first part of the Deathly Hallows, they lengthened parts that were supposed to be short and vice-versa. Dobby's death didn't really seem to... it was just like a flash, then gone.

But I have to give a thumbs up for this one scene of Harry and Hermione dancing in the tent when Ron left (I do not ship Harmione--or whatever it's called). Because it brought out the bitterness of children being forced  to fight and grow up in such a horrible reality. Think about it. Harry has got almost no childhood--his parents died, he's facing Lord Voldy all the time... And at that time, they're simply dancing, enjoying themselves as children once again. Then the music stops, the spell breaks (much like Cinderella) and they're back to fighting evil again.

Inserts Molly's voice: "They're just children!"

The movie made me feel more overwhelmed (definitely!) than the book. Perhaps it's because in screenplay you can see more emotions? :D

Twilight


... Uh. I have to admit, when I went to watch New Moon with my sister and her friends... halfway through the movie, I slept. That was a waste of ticket money...
But seriously, there was no trigger, there was no excitement and the spinning scene (change of months) made me dizzy.

Think about it. A diary of a teenager who's mesmerised with her boyfriend... it doesn't really seem to make a good movie story, does it? Since all you're writing about is the awesomeness of your boyfriend. You may disagree, saying that there are all the... dangers (of the Volturi and...) but it's not gripping enough. The effects don't seem really strong and powerful. It seems like you're describing the perfection of your sparklypie-of-a-boyfriend while being hunted down. That really doesn't seem as attractive.

I'm kinda glad I didn't buy the Twilight CD and instead opted for the Half-Blood Prince CD. :D

I think that Kristen Stewart doesn't really seem to display much emotions... Perhaps it's because there really isn't much change of emotions in Bella's role to begin with? But even so, you'd get tired after looking at a person who's displaying the same emotions every. single. time.

So there.

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I'm not a fan of Twilight because it just doesn't suit me. Still, if you're a Twihard, continue trolling supporting your love for your fandom. We Potterheads don't need to put down anyone to show that we're awesome.

...wait.

"We Potterheads"?

I has fallen to the fanvirus! Oh no!

Since I am a 'Potterhead' now, might as well start trolling and flaming Twilight?
No. But Bella really is a Mary-Sue. And Edward is a controlling boyfriend. *nods head*

Extra videos!

Stalker Diaries

YESH I HAS COMPLETED IT.
Okay, so I realised that I haven't been doing any writing (writer's block is attacking, stronger than ever).
So I'm just trying. :D yayyayyayyay
Gosh, I hate writer's block. It just seeps into your brain. It's made me fear my fanfiction now. T.T

Light disclaimer:
I no stalk anyone. It just seemed... interesting to try and write from a stalker's point of view (no offence to stalkers out there! :D)
because I don't have the time and I get tired of things really easily. :D
Ellie, I has completed mai 'stalker story', you?

Now, if you dislike very crazily obsessive people ranting about how they stalk people, then do not click for more pencil shavings. :D

Post-it ノート: OH WHY.

Listening to: Baby Maniacs by Hatsune Miku

...
I feel like I've gotten a hangover.

I dreamt that I had a wand.
A real wand.
Black wand.
And I was doing levitation spells with it.

Ahhh, that was so cool.

And then (still in the dream), I wondered if they would catch me because I'm not legal to do spells outside hogwarts.

But it was so fun.

I'm forgetting the dream now.

WHY.

神のお母さん
*hint Phoeeb Nut hint*

Cocktail

Just... trying something out for fun :D

Trollers gonna troll~

_________________________________________________________________________________

Cocktail 

In synch we float

around the sticky, thick web of love

under swirling currents that melt and molt to form passion

do you not see--the scarlet deformity of jealousy

and thicket of lusting silk-- the epitome of desire

flickering and flashing,

desiring the thicket of silk and lusting

with jealousy--the deformed scarlet sight.

Passion melts and molts into swirling currents

that lie thickly over the loving--sticky--web,

which we float on in synch. 

Musings-- This is Not a Post

whattheshittycrapisthisworldleadingto?

Oh gawd. so now we're reduced to a mere

puppetry of prejudice and porcelain masks.

how the heck does that work anyway. 

Upon a rotting string we hang our skinny, anorexic souls and moral values

for the world to feast their eyes on.

what the shit is this crap.

what the hell is happening to this world.

why are we even trying so hard to do such illogical, painful things to ourselves?

gawd, what crap is going on?

bullshit, I say.

nothing more than pure bullshit

I see that there's nothing more to expect of the world.


Since they're all looking for typical faces,


molded into a gallery of faceless members


Who pass by the realism of life only to realise


they've been such fools and idiots


at the merciless hands of the society.


You know what?

I kinda feel pity for the world.

This is the 115th post.

And I watched the trailer of "This is Not A Film".

Yes, you've heard it right.

This is not a film.

As such, this is Not a Post.

...
bwahahaha.

I will be writing a play on this.

Paper tigers, the lot of them. 

Drawn for ES tooooo

Time used: a while
Satisfaction quota: ... 70%


More of happiness :D
I use the 'heart' shape so often... T.T

NYES :D
feel our burning passion :D

I've been wasting time away.
And I don't think this is productive... TAT

HOMEWORK!

Bloggery :D 15 May 2012

The tennis ball had a cookie and she was wondering what to do with it (what can you do with a cookie besides giving it to your truly?). AND I WAS EMOING IN THE DISTANCE BECAUSE I KNEW I'D NEVER GET THE COURAGE TO ASK HER FOR IT. TAT
ahhh...
my cookie.
TT^TT

So anyway.
Ellie made a bunch of statements that I don't understand. I mean, I like doughnuts (they are sweet and the bread is fluffy and the sprinkles *__*) especially CHOCOLATE ones! (OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM :3) And then she was saying about something long and then I wondered about Frenchbread (I've been listening to too much Teto : D Listen to Kasane Teto's "Kasane Territory"!) and then I didn't get the joke and Jerry and Ellie were both being mean and going "WE SHALL NOT TELL YOU" bwahahahaha.

There was choir concert! And I didn't know about it :O I wanted to go!
But no, because I has homework. and man, they didn't even tell us about it!
TT^TT

Enough tragic dramas today.

Dreaming Out Loud

I'm dreaming out loud,
An ethereal world of vivid sketches
that circle a tangled mess of mystic clouds--
In a sea of bony, grimy faces, the lot of wretches.

In a blood pool of mauve carnations,
My fingers dig out cocoa wishes
formed through bitter accusations
and later reduced to moonstone ashes.

Pelting shards and fragmented fantasies,
I shoot down shadows of Cheshire Cats.
They vanish into the dawn of glittering faeries,
where magic--upon my head-- she pats.

Crochet doilies traipse on threads
of lingering passion and scattering stardusts.
Flimsy wings and mirages of patched up shreds,
I see them through mirrors of blinded trust.

In a thicket of mismatched constellations,
Upon a kaleidoscope of beaded stars,
I trace on the canvas, my starry-eyed creations.
I'm dreaming out loud-- dreaming away scars.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Oh, so fail.

Inspired by: Stop and Stare, Onerepublic. :D

Whatisthiscrapidon'teven. harhar.
I should have submitted this for Montage!!! T.T