Is that really what you want?

Chinese New Year celebrations-- something I had been looking forward to, already filled up with sugar. It was boring with only us, released early. We were more open, this time, already seen all the teachers. Now you came and complicated everything. I squealed, hugging everyone I could, but you simply stared at my uniform in --somewhat of disgust-- so I laughed and shook it off.

Next came the cheer-off, more of you versus us. The line was drawn so clearly. I didn't want to battle, but I was compelled to. Your taunts, mocks and boasts. They will amplify more once I step out of the game. Sore-throat, I had. We were deciding on school cheers, as loud as you even though we were short of two members. Your scoffs, your smirks and snorts. It hurt me a lot, but it was a drug that drew me in, deeper. I clapped my hands, making as much noise as possible, making sure we could out do you. And came the embarrassing part; the many cheers that I already knew about, compelling me to join in, even though I was an 'enemy'. My sister, she is in your school, teaching me many cheers that I learnt eagerly. But now I've resigned to fate, instead laughing at how poor your coordination is.

I didn't ask for this. I wanted to go to your school. But no, now we are enemies. Now we are competing with each other, determined to soar further. But I didn't ask for this. I didn't want to become your enemy. Tears are about to flow, but I keep them in, sure that you will only mock at how weak I am. I am not. Just because of other peoples' comparing words, we have stood away from each other, boundaries keeping us in place.
Can we really coexist in peace, I ask myself again, demanding for an answer.

I don't know.

So as I laugh and shriek, joining in my own cheer, I purposely poked you, evoking a shove. I chuckle. Is it because I'm wearing white, so you have to do this to me? Is it because of my school name, so you hate me? If that is so;

I hate white.
And naturally, I hate you.
For being so stupid, so immature that you have to even be affected by others.

So I'll just smile and as much as I don't want to, I'll go back again for Teachers' Day. The addiction that pulls me deeper into the abyss, sprinkling onto my senses hot coal. It will hurt. And yet I'll still go for more.