I've just gotta keep my cool, okay, potato.

Just have to.
transform that pressure to push me to do well.

Try, breathe.

Breathe

Think.

Laugh it off.

Because it's not that important.

It's just an audition, they're just going to be judging- you know they have to judge, don't you?
It's okay.
Relax.
Breathe.

Let them tell you you're not talented in this area, let them.

Think.
Breathe.

It'll work out some way.

And if you don't dare to try, you'll regret it.

You're going to regret you didn't do your best.

Go ahead, potato.

Tell them what you want to say.

Be confident.

That script's in your mind.

Go, girl.

You're going to give it your best, no matter what happens, okay.

Don't panic or worry.

Relax.

You'll manage.

Be honest.

Think.

Breathe.

Think.

Breathe.

Think.

Breathe.

soar.

*edit: apparently I screwed it up D:

numbers and figures- they pull us apart

11:11

The time everyone starts posting their wishes and whatnot.
Thing is, someone posted something about their wishes during what was to be perceived as 11:11 at their side when it was only 11:09 for me.
Besides, I don't really see the point in 11:11 (even as I hopelessly dream on about it)
-says the person who wishes on 00:00 and various other timings-

Numbers are interesting.

Mooving on.
so.
exhibition.
yes i am excited can you just see my extremely happy face.
OCTOBER!
Halloween's!
The devil's own spawn and
reckless lines of
chalk.
Yeah. Chalk.
I miss everything that-
that used to be there.

Yeah.
It used to be easier.
Maybe chess woulda been better.
Rot there in the corner, fiddling with the buttons of the old chess clock and watch every single second pour away into a blitz, until the red flag's triggered.
What did we call it.
*do
 Flagdrop? I think so.
Stalemate.
Don't question me.

so there I was planning on a long and coherent and reasonable post but halfway there I gave up.
I think I gave up from the start.

Exhibition.
Right.
Nice, nice poem that I can't really organise into a full paragraph. I should really start concentrating.
but it seems so long since I've published a post.
SOOOOOO LONGGGGG.
I was planning on writing something decent, and there was a sudden idea for a play/prose (I'm rather undecided) and it was really good- at least, to me- and I was thinking about it on the car ride home, from loon's house- it's another thing but i liked the experience and even though i thought it as stupid. i mean, playing awkward badminton in the rain and yeah. it was fun. i like it. i still do.-

so i was listening (again, completely unrelated idea) to my playlist on my phone with my dad's earphones (i think they're for a different type of phone because-) and when it shuffled to 'What Makes You Beautiful' by One Direction...
well, because it's a weird earphone, so it practically cancelled out the vocals until it was only a very, very slight whisper and also removed some of the background music. I never realised 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift had such good instrumental-
so when I listened to 'What Makes You Beautiful'...
all I heard was the sound of the conga drums.
FOR THE WHOLE 4 MINUTES.

i love you, dad's earphones.

right. Exhibition.
I was all prepped up for it, and I bought supplies (nice, nice butterflies that were purple and black and kinda glimmering and also some ribbons) though I don't think they will be used.
still. it's pretty. sigh.
yeah.
and I've managed to complete a poem which I showed Jerry and it was meant for Yinny and it was kinda in the Halloween mood but anyways.
potato'd.

POSTMAN PAT.
yeah.
I love this show sooooo much okay the cat is totally sass and fluff and it goes like
'I DON'T CARE I'M A CAT OKAY YOU DO WHAT I WANT'
and it jumps up and down and everywhere and stuff.
and Postman Pat is just.

'I'M POSTMAN PAT AND I'M ON A SPECIAL DELIVERY SERVICE OOH DID I KNOCK YOUR POTATOES DOWN DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE OOH LOOK HEY CHICKENS HEY HORSE I LOVE THE WEATHER SO MUCH AND MY BADGE IS SHINY'

(I'm serious about this part. He polishes his badge. FOR REAL.)

I should avoid being so random and get back to work.
WORK.
sigh.
okay bye potatoes let me awkwardly slide away.
fats.
lipids.
lipase.
eoys.
screwed.
yay.

extremely short update

I feel like something's died down inside me.

There's nothing- but so /much to do after eoys.

Going out, working, revising and learning and so many books to read
while all I want to do is just so sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep
and possibly never wake up but anyway

world war two is confusing, even when I'm only left with 100+ pages to the end of the book
I somewhat get the idea of it.

bomb
attack
ohnoes we are dying
bomb
bomb
overestimation
underestimation
city falls
town falls
uprisings
bombs
fight
fight
change of commanders
more deaths
bombers
bomb
bomb
city falls
people die
concentration camps
bomb

I'm a little bored, but I'm not taking in everything I'm supposed to take in
and there's still the poem
poem
Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Haunted Palace'
it's not really.
well- not very related to Halloween but still
the themes revolving around it and darkness
and the 'unspecified evil'- that sense of evil, it's rather
interesting
but the language is a little too.
advanced for me.
loon why are you so good at things i am envy
but anyway.
yinny has taught me the basics of basics for poetry analysis and I think I kinda know how to present my analysis, although I might want to suggest a more...
interesting- kinda- sketchy way to show how we analyse poems, although
it will be messy,
MESSY.

third lang results back.
I'm proud of myself, pretty happy.
Well. At least I passed.
And I think it's pretty well done because I'm
I'm like this thing
this potato thing
 at languages and I just floop.

Yeah.
It seems so boring now
I should start work.
but I don't want to summarise all the info for Edgar Allen Poe- I'm pretty sure that it's all in Google docs and
yeah.

I really don't feel like talking much.
It's a little tiring and all the words are stuck there in your head, your lips and you can't get them out.
I forgot 'stalemate' today
and it's kinda scary since I think about those terms, 'blunder', 'check', 'checkmate', 'blitz' (blitz is such a wonderful, wonderful word and it's in the book about WWII too), 'promotion', 'Casablanca', 'London defense' and lots of other stuff.

I'm horrible at chess, I forgot.
sorry.

and I ship potatoes and tomatoes.
It's so beautiful.
So.
Delicate and.
yeah.

I might read more during the holidays to make up for everything-
what if all my efforts go to waste?
what if I don't get As for everything?
what.
I tried
I tried so
hard.
I tried and
I can't bear to hear
hear.
or see
that.
I can't.

But at the same time, it's finally over. And what's done is done so I can't really do anything.

and there's this video by Vsauce about shadow and how you'd be less heavier in the dark than in the light.

Life on hiatus

exams coming through!

I can't draw.
Well. I tried to, after listening to Hurts Like Heaven by Coldplay-- Mylo Xyloto album and it's rather catchy. I like the moosic video.

History teacher says: Because the lives of the people in the Qin Dynasty were hard, hence there were little advancements in Math and Science and Arts. This is a disadvantage........ so people were living in poverty and because of the heavy taxes, they had no time to develop in the Arts, Sciences and Math.

Exams = lack of development in the Sciences, Arts and Math = hard life = poverty.
...
Exams = poverty

D: but that's a different thing altogether.
I HAVE A CLASS BLOG.
I think it'll die after a few weeks. At most four months.
I AM SLACKINGGGGGG
and pretty proud of it.

...
why is everyone so talented and smart while I'm here derping and flooping and wriggling like a sunflower.
I kinda don't want the exams to end.
Even if it's pressurising-- I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO FEEL THE STRESS WHATWHATWHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STAHP YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AT SEC 4 AT THIS RATE.

...
I don't caaaaaaaare.
I'm glad Geog is over. It was a nightmare and I BARELY finished it.
I shall train to write faster.
Yes.
WRIST POWER.
yay :)

So here's a word of wisdom for you readers.
potatoes potate, mosquitoes moskate.

Where's the grace in graciousness?

i think we've been through this warning section quite a few times.
if you're going to be one of those adults who are going to scream and holler in indignity at my - excuse me - ignorant, idiotic and completely out of point words, please do not click the 'continue' button, thank you.
you have been warned.
i'm just going to tell you what i'll probably cover, just in case you boldly ask
"but if i don't know what you're talking about, how would i know if i'd be offended?"

i'm just going to cover this part of respect and giving up seats on public transports- are young people culprits of rude behaviour on public transports? (loooooneh)

so there.
you have been warned (again!)

autumn in england and a slight bit of rant

Autumn in England and China now. A clash of both sides, which is really, quite cool.

Japanese examinations over now, and I am so happy-- although I think having examinations for third language totally killed off the joy of learning, although it did push me to learn. 

NYES-- Autumn version

I did this on muro and also during ICT, using photoshop. I feel like I've got a power. A power that I've recently acquired after learning how to create text effects. Photoshop, although sometimes you may be a jerk.

Thank you for that power.

I love that power. 

((only when I'm using it))

From this point on-wards, it's going to be long. So click at your own risk. Woah, another long post.

photo spam

hahahahah LOON LOOK I HAVE MY PHOTOSHOP ASSIGNMENT TOO OH YAY IT IS HORRIBLY DONE BUT LOOK DO I CARE.

actually I do.

So yeah. Most of it was all about ES but then I gave up because. 

Well. I don't really know but that part about stars.

the stars say I have to draw today and so I did.

I drew something out of proportion and I hope no one noticed it.

Oh who am I kidding.

The second picture probably sounds wrong but anyway.

It was when we were highing together sometime ago...

I think.

She murmurs a short chant, trying to warm his tensed, stiff and cold body.

"I'll let you be Sherlock next time. I'll let you be Sherlock-"

-bang-

and the world collapsed, in front of her eyes as scarlet coloured his face and head and every-

"I'll let you be Sherlock- please."

She looks into the eyes of his murderer, only to hear-

"It had to be done."

"NO- YOU DON'T-HE WASN'T GOING TO CHANGE- HE WAS ALL FINE YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS- I- I wanted to let him be Sherlock for once-" 

and she falls, down into this bottomless pit of memories and every single word she utters when he begs to be Sherlock.

'Now's not the time. I've got work-'

'Everything's fine, you know. There're no mysteries-'

'You know you're not- not as observant as Sherlock Holmes.'

'He's not real.'

'You've got work to do.'

'Not now, NOT NOW!'

"M-mom, can I be Sherl-Sherlock- now." she thinks she hears this from his cracked lips and she can only nod, cradling her fallen angel in her arms.

"Yes-yes-Sherlock. I'll let you be Sherlock-"

the pencil is mightier than the charcoal. still.

i've been drawing a lot recently and i suspect i'm going through some kinda phase.

first it was folding stars, then the paper flowers and then the hearts.
And now it's the stars. again.

what is with me and folding papery stuff now.
idek exactly.

but back to the topic. i'm drawing. a lot. and that's not exactly good. because well. it kinda eats into my time and when i start drawing i can't really stop.

after eoys i'm going on a drawing spree. whee.
but anyway.

yeah. so i've 'designed' the dresses for the "if (cca) were to be a dress" album. so far--

2 ES dresses (but the first design was crappy)
1 Modern Dance dress
1 String Ensemble dress

i think i might do the Chinese Dance dress if. well. if there's really a spare period when the teacher's not exactly talking about the point at hand. or maybe another ES dress.
it's fun, but sometimes you can get stuck because you don't really know about that cca but still, it's your general impression of it anyway.

yeah. and i don't really want to waste my sketch book's pages by randomly doodling. so well. i'm trying out a more shading kinda style.

yeah i know how this sounds so ridiculous, especially when i've got eoys around me and all.

but anyway i like pencils. sure, charcoal is good for shading, but pencil is neater and more available and i've not really used charcoal before but i think it's rather hard to erase? so you have to- like- be very decisive on what you want to draw and stuff. and besides, freshly sharpened pencils smell a little like books but more... how do you say it. nice. well. it's just a kinda metallic crisp argh i don't know how to describe it.

yeah. pencils are beautiful.

my mom is really irritating sometimes even though i try to tolerate her, you know. i mean, idek why but it's like she's intent on making me do things i don't wanna do and i try to be nice and speak all gently but yeah and then she gets too sensitive and say that i hurt her when she's said more hurting phrases to me but.

pencils.
and then loon introduced this website of many, many beautiful words so i thought.
well.
dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com
it's full of words.
beautiful words.

if being a nerd means being in love with words then-
oh of course i am a nerd whaddya think i was.

so there.