autumn in england and a slight bit of rant

Autumn in England and China now. A clash of both sides, which is really, quite cool.

Japanese examinations over now, and I am so happy-- although I think having examinations for third language totally killed off the joy of learning, although it did push me to learn. 

NYES-- Autumn version

I did this on muro and also during ICT, using photoshop. I feel like I've got a power. A power that I've recently acquired after learning how to create text effects. Photoshop, although sometimes you may be a jerk.

Thank you for that power.

I love that power. 

((only when I'm using it))

From this point on-wards, it's going to be long. So click at your own risk. Woah, another long post.

lalala ♫ 

Idek, but here's a song for you. For now, it sounds nice, against the quiet background of rain patting against the ground and the wind's blowing, almost a breeze, but with harsh undertones. It wasn't really what I was looking for, but hey. It sounds like something that'll play in the background of a cafe, and there's warm, black coffee, the slight tinge of sugar and creamer in the air--crystals lazing against the warm, brown wooden table and the lights are dimmed, a yellowish white.

It sounds nice.

Relaxing, and casual and like.

I can almost smell coffee. 

I shall not drink coffee. The dentist says it's ruining my teeth D:

but oh.

Well.

:)

I think there's something wrong with me. It's not really that wrong, but it's weird. Like, it's not human.

I can't judge people. Like, I can't put a label on them. My brain just doesn't allocate words and stereotypes to behaviours and- and it's kinda weird because it's human to judge. I don't know. I mean, isn't it weird. I tried to judge--I mean, I can, but it's like, I can turn my mind to off-mode. Like, a mode to shut out all stereotypes. Isn't it scary? I mean, it's like I'm a robot and-

Another thing- I. Well. I can control my emotions. Most of the times, unless I really can't- (I'm human, too, right?) I try to. When I'm facing negative, strong but negative emotions like anger and sadness. I block it out. By letting it wash over me. It's weird. I let it wash over me, then taste it and then try to identify what it is and pick it out and then tell myself to step backward because- because it's not worth it. Like, step away from it. And then I'll cool down. But sometimes- to make myself feel humane- I indulge myself in these emotions and throw a tantrum and it scares me because I don't seem like a human.

And thing is, I don't really mind gender. Like, I don't see boys as weird because they're of the opposite gender. I see them as different, harder to socialise with because of the way they were raised. Like, they were raised in that way- to believe they were more masculine and had a duty to protect the 'weaker' gender. And in that sense, it's harder to communicate with them because. Because their personalities are structured in such a way that it's so much more different than ours. So it's much more difficult to understand them.

I think there's something wrong with me but I can't help it.

And here's another song. A little more. Well. Sad.

Idek, I think it fits the mood now.

rainy. check. thunder. check. lightning. check. warm lovely shirt that's warm and fluffy. check.

Thing is, I've been - I'm not even sure if I've changed at all. It's so hard to talk to people I used to know, now.

I haven't changed. They just didn't know me-

but did I change?

I think I did. 

Today, on the bus, the back door was open while the bus kept moving and everyone else didn't seem to move so I ran all the way to the front, shouting,

“司机！后门没关！”

And I must have looked damn weird. Running down, jacket flapping, file almost dropping while shouting in Chinese. Quite typical, but that was the first language I thought of while trying to get the driver's attention.

...I must be weird. Quite typical, for someone from a SAP school ahaha.

I was thinking about this for a while, you know.

If you think about something for a long time, it gets into your subconsciousness and then you'll keep thinking about it, even without you knowing it and then your mind will be so autotuned to such a thing that you'll be aware of things of the same nature so easily that you'll find those things revolve your life.

That's my hypothesis. Maybe I'll do some research on this after EOYs and use it in Project. Jannock.

:)

-nudges loon-

laughs. I should get back to work. Thing is, after an examination, I don't feel like. I just want to floop.

There's gym tomorrow. And a compo to hand up.

BOOOOORRRRING.

sigh. 

And this thing about the island Japan and China are fighting over.

Land is precious, yes, but do you.

Do you have to do this? Fight all over it and.

Can't someone do something? Can we try to resolve it? No one's to blame- I mean, it's all so complicated already, can't we try to fix what's left? Whatever's left of this world that's so dented and broken by war and conflict?

...

Okay, maybe this post wasn't really that long.