I wish I could pirouette

no, not really.

I don't actually feel that way.
I mean, I tried dance, when I was really, really young and cute at that time.

And I sprained my ankle, which was a one-way ticket out of dance and to calligraphy.
I did quit calligraphy later on, just so I could sleep.

Abacus was boring, so I quit, too.

And piano.
It was hell, for me.

WSC training yesterday, and my aunt brought us all to watch a movie, hence I got back home at 2 AM.
Didn't get any work done, except more debate practice and trying not to look like a fool while my teammates (expert debaters) prepped me on what to say.

We didn't get to go and debate, but I'm sure that if I did, I would have died.

Research is lacking, as in, I'm dying for everything right now I just how do people manage their time so well.
My class' OM teams are in great condition, even with their hectic schedules.
And here I am, flooping to my death because.

Anyway, debate.
So, I've got no experience in it whatsoever but I'm just kinda happy about it. I don't know.
We've just got to act our way through it~

It's kinda good we've got extra help from our mentors, because I would just crumble if we didn't.
I've been first speaker for the last few sessions, and I think it's quite okay-- second speaker is just rebuttals rebuttals points, points, yay. Third speaker is probably hardest because you have to think as they debated on and on and you have to conclude everything to leave a strong impression on the judges woah. Yeah, but you get to go first if you're first speaker and you can't mess things up.

Mehhhh.

I should do Japanese right now.
Oh what was I thinking, blogging when I've got work.

PROCRASTINATION HAHAHAAHAHA no.

okay.
bai peasants.
I love you all.

I'm scared.

I'm scared we won't be able to meet again.

I'm scared we will forget each other.

I'm scared we won't keep in touch like we promised.

I'm scared of forgetting everyone.

I'm scared of time.

I'm scared of the fact that we grow so soon.

I'm scared I'd have to go through separation soon again.

I'm scared of how idiotic I've been.

I'm scared of repeating my mistakes.

I'm scared of regret.

I'm scared to say I'm scared.

Because when it suddenly passes by so fast, you'd realise that everything is just gone. You've been so idiotic, so stupid and so hesitant. You're regretting every single damned thing you haven't said or done. You've just realised how the whole thing works, but you only have that one single last chance to work it all out. You're so scared that it won't work out, and even if it does, you won't have any chance to finally savour all those times you should have had. You feel like banging your head against the wall. But you just don't know what to do. You're just scared. It's so horribly frightening, to be scared, to be cornered by fear, to just be lost. You feel so aimless and yet you wonder if it's worth a try. You feel those tears finally coming out, but you try to hold it in. The sour acidic feeling bites you into pieces, and you feel so difficult. It's complex and you feel like an idiot.

All those feelings are so frustrating, that you don't want to do anything at all.

I'm scared.

Pikachu, I'm just so scared.