I don't know.

It's just a feeling, a strange vibe. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's making me uneasy. Sometimes I don't understand if I've been too much of a hindrance than a help. I want to break through, but I'm not sure how to. Sometimes it just makes me sit back down and try to smile. But I can't, so I pretend to be interested in something else, trying not to show my real emotion.

But I don't want to be viewed as a troublesome person by getting too paranoid. So I try to fling it out of my mind, but it doesn't work. I keep quiet, trying not to interfere so that I don't make more mistakes. I merely sit there and wait, trying not to agitate them. I wonder if I've changed too much that they don't like me anymore, then wonder if I have changed at all or become more clingy. I don't remember. My throat hurts and I cover my mouth to cough, keeping a distance from them in case they mind everything. I try to state examples, perhaps they have thought I'm a hypocrite, judging from my blog posts, but what can I say? Every example doesn't make sense at all.

In case they say Í'm trying to take up more attention by being moody, I try to smile and ignore all the others. I'm trying my best to act normal, but I just can't get that sickening thought out of my mind. Seriously. I don't know.