spiraling down to the end of the world.

today is 12/12/12.

I'm starting this post at 10:10pm.

Quite late, but still.

I'm in quite a good mood. Nothing too hyped up or excited, just serenely happy in a manner. Green tea's a better alternative than milo, I guess. My throat's better- I suddenly started coughing for no reason in the middle of the night on Sunday? I suppose? I'm still taking care not to eat anything too... heaty. So.

Today. I did practically nothing. I did stretching, and I'm glad I spent a whole hour on it. I don't know, but stretching so much and practically testing my endurance skills was just. It sounds masochistic, but I did enjoy it. It kinda took the stress off me. ((what stress when I've just been hoboing around at home?)) I sang a lot too, just random songs that came to mind. I'm pretty sure I traumatised everyone within ten-kilometre radius with my banshee-like-screeching-of-a-singing. But it felt good to have my voice somewhat back.

Even when I say I can't dance, I try. It does sound superficial, but vaguely... uh, dancing or waddling to the fast-paced rhythm of J-pop, it's happy and sweet and fluffy. Even when I know I can't dance, or look good doing it, I like to just- kinda- dance because it's stress-relieving, I guess. I stopped dancing since July, because I was sure it didn't fit me and I was a joke, trying to dance- but it's a good thing I started again, stretching and having fun again. I'm trying to pick up a few Vocaloid songs :D I bet those readers who know me in real life must be laughing at the thought of a potato trying to dance when she can't even walk without tripping. It's okay. I'm pretty proud of being such a klutz. Or a n00b at real life. This game sucks but I can't walk away from it.

It just hit me that I actually have blog readers. Like, people who actually read my blog. It's kinda scary, in that way. I guess I'll have to try to stop being so melodramatic and floop online to blogger whenever I have a bad day. My problems- if they even can be called that- are just. Insignificant and stupid and I'm probably just exaggerating everything. I mean, other people have worse days- much worse than mine. I should be happy with what I have.

I watched Undercover Boss today, while working on next year's- uh, work. And there was this guy, working the night shift at 7-11. He just told the boss (who was undercover) that he was indeed, chasing the American dream, and that he's in bliss now. He's happy with what he has, he feels like it's good enough for him, he doesn't complain. And I think about my life right now- close friends, free and relatively fast wifi, a comfortable bed and a roof over my head, with books and bananas and parents who are different from the typical parents, proper education... What more can I expect?

Of course, when I get sad and floop onto blogger, this whole thing will be contradicted.

I'm sitting at my dining table, there's a soft breeze and it's rather cold here, but it's nice. It's quiet, just a little too silent. I'm half-way through creating a video montage for my class and I might spend the night creating a fandom video, but I'm not sure. Sigh.

I'm surrounded by talented people.

Anyway. I haven't been writing much. I baked some cookies yesterday, but they seem pretty... inedible to me. But oh, my precious little dough circles. I think it's the flour. But I still have quite a bit of flour left, so I might bake some tomorrow.

I haven't been writing much. Instead, I've been drawing. I don't even feel shame for all the lack of writing. And my drawings are, as usual, terrible. But at least. I'm still trying out portraits of real human, and of course I've been dying next to my sketchbook, vomiting rainbows and unicorns because I've reached the point of no return.

I've succeeded in failing.

Recently, I've been extremely excited about my sister's prom. It's a YEAR away, so I must be going bonkers. I really want to try. You know. Helping her and all. Painting her nails. I've gone on tumblr and I've seen this new... thing about painting nails and it looks cool- YOU CAN PAINT WORDS ONTO YOUR NAILS.

((now trust me I'm not high. Not yet.))

Today is 12/12/12. I didn't do anything special at all. I just. Well. Yep. Nothing. People keep talking about how nice it is to have a repetitive date. I think it rather, silly. We're just counting down days and time till a special time and once it passes, we keep counting them down. What does it really matter, anyway? Time is only a word we fashioned to create a much more orderly society. But we've really, just been counting ourselves down.

-takes a sip of tea-

I look at people and just wonder how they want to do all those things, learn a different language, pick up a new skill, while I'm just here. Doing nothing. Of course, I've been experimenting with digital art, but it seems like I'm never going to make it. and it's rather useless, of course. Unless I become a designer which isn't quite possible.

It is, if I try. Hard enough.

Right now I don't even know what I want to do for my subject combination, which I have to choose by the end of next year.

I've been wanting to try painting. I'm hopeless at it, of course. Just dreams that'll fade away. Far, far away.

That's it. I'm just going to end it here, 10:44pm and continue with my video montage :)

Readers, why do you continue to read the life of a melodramatic girl who is untalented and silly and really just dreaming? Is it funny? I think it might be. :)

nine days away to the end of the world.