Musings --4 April 2012

you have to learn what is right, and what is wrong.

it is the sudden nostalgic feeling of warmth, huddling in my parents' room, on the mattress on the floor. The light is dimmed, compared to the everyday life wherein it's just too bright and you can see everything clearly. too clearly. My bare feet rubs against the rather furry bedsheet and tries to derive some warmth from the action, although my senses are tinkling at the cooling breeze. my hair is still wet, dripping--rather, and the pillows are stacked under my body, clustered around me. it feels like the past, when we were all so young and carefree. i sigh, and a Hatsune Miku song is playing in the background. from y to y. a soothing melody that erases my flaws and errors and i am lost in it, a hypnotic trance-like state. i groan inwardly upon thinking of the busy schedule tomorrow and it's too clustered. my word document is still open, the flashing tab pleading me to just type something, anything in.

i grin at how it is simply impossible for me to bear a grudge against someone for long. it is the characteristic of a karakuri pierrot. there is no need for me to wear a mask anymore, for it has already been stuck firmly to the contours of my face. a smile that used to be unnatural has already been so frequently flashed that it does not matter what the emotions are inside.

i am an imperfection, one that was born a defect and forever like that. i glance at my seniors and somehow, i am reminded that they are going to leave anyway. people will come and go, and i will too. there was a sudden train of thought that erupted in my mind in the afternoon, on the train.

i hate this place. after six years of misery and forever being alone, i'm still stuck to this clumsy and irritating shell, it hates me. i hate it too but we can only depend upon each other to survive. i thought it would be a change but in the end it doesn't matter because i'm just going to live through another four years. and then two, probably five later before dying away. 


it never does really matter. sometimes i wonder about my own existence. what am i? why am i here? am i just another puppet? is this a parody of me?

a quote from Finding Nemo, that I still blurt out at times,

"Curse you aqua-scum!"

Awepic.

sigh. i know i shouldn't be feeling stress-- what is this year anyway? isn't supposed to be the most slack year? where should i be getting the stress from anyway? it's undeserved and if i'm going to point break at this point, i'm just useless. i shouldn't be having stress. i don't deserve to claim that i'm stressed, because i'm not supposed to have.

i need hersheys.
alice is so cute :D
and she likes hersheys too. :D